My story and request for book recommendations

[Kasandra]

Hi everyone,

Like many of you, I always thought I was the only person who daydreamed compulsively. When I started to finally address my lifelong anxieties I started googling and found this place! I’m currently really struggling with it, I am spending many hours a day lost in thoughts and pacing around. I’m not engaging in work, or household chores or with my husband. It’s causing me to become depressed because I feel as though I can’t stop.

I have been daydreaming like this since I was a small child. I am currently 30. I have always been anxious and had poor self-image which I think really contributes. In my head, I could fix everything I felt was wrong with me and be someone worthy of love/attention which I don’t feel like in my real life. I also grew up with a mentally ill sibling so my home life was full of violence. I spent a lot of time scared as a child so I would spend a lot of time alone in my room dreaming I was somewhere else.

As I’ve gotten older, I used the daydreams to get “good” feelings (love, attention, praise, safety) that I was not getting in my real life. I’ve read posts from many of you talking about this as an addiction and that makes so much sense to me. You train your brain to get those good brain chemicals from daydreaming so it can be hard to stop. I hope viewing it as an addiction will help me to overcome this so I am glad that I found this information (thank you!)

As I said, I am currently really struggling. In March I had to start working from home which has been stressful as I don’t have a regular schedule or coworkers to prevent my daydreaming. I have had a really hard time keeping on top of work which is causing me to feel like a failure. As well, my husband has been struggling with health issues for over a year which has created a lot of stress at home. I feel guilty for not being able to support him enough because of my own issues.

I know the root of this all is not loving myself as I am. Easier to just dream of being this perfect person in my head. I feel trapped in a vicious cycle right now where I am feeling worse about myself every day because I am not engaged in my life. I know that I can find joy in my real life, I do love my friends and family. I have hobbies I enjoy. It’s just hard to get out of this hole I’ve dug myself lately. My husband and I have been talking about starting to try for a baby in the next year. I want to get this under control so I can be a good mother. I am just currently feeling very hopeless as I feel I don’t have the willpower to stop.

I really appreciate reading so your stories as I really did think no one went through this but me. My counsellor had never heard of this problem at all. Does anyone have any good book recommendations? I am going to look into addiction treatment more but any suggestions are welcome.

[alona]

hey Kasandra,

i hope things get better for you soon!! i don't know about books written on the subject, but The International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research is dedicated to studying and understanding MDD. it's not yet a recognised condition, but this research is headed by Dr. Eli Somer, who actually coined the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming." There is a lot of interesting research to go through here. maybe your therapist and you could go over it together. 

i hope this helps!