I’m new here. It’s a long story since I’ve basically been living in the neverending story for about 6 years. Did it bother me in the beginning? Yes. Really high highs though. But it left me with a lot of questions.

At first I thought I was schizophrenic, you know, voices in my head? I thought we’ll that’s great I finally snapped. But the REAL head scratcher was that all the voices were soo nice. They were all my friends and were really kind and understanding and funny. We’d just watch tv together or talk about how the streets would be safer if people just followed the rules of the road. It was nice to literally ALWAYS have someone there.

As my worlds developed I noted three things:
1. I didn’t create my worlds. Everything was a hard structure I couldn’t simply manipulate. It was like lucid dreaming but it wasn’t my dream and all I could control was me. All the people created their own dialogs and events would occur as the would.

2. It’s its own separate entity. It never interfered in my waking life. It was never a thing I put other things down to go do. Again I was worried I was schizo. It was making me paranoid. Bad joke. But I really was worried.

3. The world or worlds I should say were too detailed. Like way too detailed. Well there was just too much for an ordinary imagination. It’s unreal.

That was the thing that got me, that drew me in. To me, from my perspective, I wasn’t the one who created these worlds. This wasn’t my imagination. It was just another world. And everyone felt so real. The places. The emotions alone were too vivid. Well... I guess the emotions were real.

After a few months, that world was more real than this one. Like in there that was the real world and this was like a living fiction. And soon. That was how I was. Living in a living fiction. And I lived that way. For years.

Again, to me, I still even now don’t believe I created or imagined all this. It just one day tapped me on the shoulder and I was off to the races. But you know the funny part is that all that time, as much as I enjoyed my time out there, I thought even if this is all just a fiction to walk through and then one day be done with it, I’d rather just LIVE it. No distractions to numb me. I mean that was one of the things I love about my world was everything felt so raw so real. Like everything was turned up to 110%. I didn’t want to be. Numb. Or fiction. Anymore. So instead of ‘nice voices in my head’ or ‘signs and symptoms of schizophrenia’ like I had been for years, I googled ‘delusions of imaginary worlds’, read the first article that popped up and they mentioned this website. Life’s funny that way.

If this is too long please let me know. I have so much I can talk about though and I’m very glad to find a community of people who actually KNOW what this is bc there is just no way I am ever going to explain all this to someone from scratch.

Happy New Year!

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Comment by Maddie on January 10, 2021 at 7:10am

I have a voice too, but we argue all the time :)

Comment by alona on January 6, 2021 at 8:15am

hi DJ,

welcome to WMN. don't worry about long posts, this forum is for you to talk, and we are here to listen.

i'm so glad you found this place. i was in a similar situation when i first realised something was wrong and ended up on wild minds. it has helped my understand and accept my MDD so much better. i hope it does the same for you.

good luck with everything

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