Wow. This is amazing.

[Pacer]

I have been a Maladaptive Daydreamer, or what I have always called an "Imagination Addict" since I was old enough to form an image in my mind.  That was over 40 years ago.  I have never told a single soul in my ENTIRE LIFE until today.  I honestly thought I was the only one.  I started Googling terms like Imagination Addiction and it led me here.  I would say my story is one comparable to a highly functioning alcoholic, when nobody around you knows (at least that's what I think...).  It hasn't caused me harm, per se, but like some people say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.  If that's true, I am a Grand Master many times over....of imagining.... not playing guitar or painting or whatever else.   It makes me feel like I'm wasting time, but like most things, when it feels good you do it anyway.  Ironically it's the only part of me that manifests addictive behavior.  I have to be in motion physically to get into the daydreams.  I used to do it in the driveway until I was old enough to be self conscious about it.  I saw my mom watching me and from that moment on I took it 'inside', which must explain why now I do it pacing around in closed rooms, even bathrooms, even for 5 seconds at a time if that's what I have to work with.  My 'outside' life has been great, and full, too, with accomplishments that I am proud of, and many outstanding personal relationships.  I do think it keeps me from developing other talents and skills, but the flip side of that coin is that it is a portal to infinite, perfect scenes, stories, and lives.  My imagination is supremely developed, with sharp visual detail and the created experiences feel close enough to real to be satisfying.

I don't know why it started (like a traumatic event or something) but I never tried to stop it or thought it was a problem.  I just didn't want anybody to know.   Music is a big part of it.  I see that is a common thread here.

I will certainly be back to comment more, but for young people reading this, I will suggest that you should not stress that this is a disorder.  It doesn't have to rule your life or keep you from excelling at things you want to excel at.  It's part of you.  I have never lived without it and I don't have any plans to shrug it off at this point.  It is a huge part of me and what my life experience has been.  Just try to find a good balance.  And as far as needing people to talk to, use this forum, use an alias if you want to.  Obviously, my real name is not Pacer.  I don't plan to ever tell my friends or family.  It's my secret and I'm OK with that.

Thanks for reading, if you are.

[Aine]

Hi Pacer,

I too have been an  "Imagination  Addict" for more than 45 years and I can so relate to everything you have said. Like you said there is nothing to be ashamed of and the word "disorder" seems very wrong to me. What we do is just a part of who we are, it's not wrong and we should not feel shame.  I just wanted to say how great it was to meet others who have MD and to say hello.  Wishing you all the best.

[Wish Upon A Wish]

@EludeMyFantasies: I'm not sure quite why I'm addicted, because although there is sometimes a high, and I'm really happy in it, I also DD about negative things, including me being hurt, or mad, or someone close to me dying, so I'm not quite sure how that part can be a high. Ah well.

[Jenna]

Welcome I hope you love this site as much as I do. It's great to know you have been successful with life. It nice to meet you. -Jenna.

[Pacer]

Thank you to all of you who welcomed me to this site.  I realize now how narcissistic it can be to think you're the only one who does something unusual.  I'm not comfortable yet with the term 'maladaptive', unless I broaden its definition to apply to interfering with somebody reaching their potential.  That said, not reaching one's potential is in my opinion something that 99.99% of us, and I mean people (not just people on this forum) have in common.  If Steve Jobs had come out and announced that he used to lock himself in his dorm room in college and pace around in circles for 4 hours at a time, imagining building a company with groundbreaking products that the world adored, would people think it was "maladaptive".  Back to what I was saying about not reaching our potential, there are countless forces that keep people from reaching their potential, most of them self-imposed, but not all of them.   My obsessive daydreaming helps me imagine the process of how to get somewhere, or what it would be like to get there.  But then I don't carry it out in the real world, despite the complete lack of other obstacles other than motivation.  Almost every fantasy world I create is entirely possible in reality, except maybe the one where I dunk over Michael Jordan's head to win the NBA finals.  Do you follow?  So, for me, I see the only downside to the obsessive daydreaming is the time spent doing it that I could be doing something productive.   I wonder if the addiction to the imagination process is ultimately just a black hole in the sense that it becomes a substitute or diversion away from risk taking or real productivity.  Sometimes I think I stay addicted to the imagination because it doesn't force me to stick the pursuit of any one thing.  I can change it in an instant, risk free.    Comments?

Thank you!

[Jennifer]

Welcome to the world of MD! I am new at this, just like you are. ^.^

 

Thank you for your help on my Blog, it really means a lot that you tried to help. Your words meant a lot, and it really helped. Thank you for posting your story, I find it to be very, very inspirational. :) Especially, "I will certainly be back to comment more, but for young people reading this, I will suggest that you should not stress that this is a disorder.  It doesn't have to rule your life or keep you from excelling at things you want to excel at.  It's part of you.  I have never lived without it and I don't have any plans to shrug it off at this point." This really, really helped me out. Thank you, Pacer!

 

[roxanne]

Welcome.  If you read Cynthia's very professional article (see Links), you'll see that this was not caused by trauma.  People with MD are no more likely to have suffered trauma than the rest of the population.  It's probably just something in how our brain works, or when we started DD'ing we got more of a dopamine hit than others did, and so got addicted at an early age.  Either way does not bode well for giving it up.  We all strive to exert some control, so we can get what we want out of life.  I absolutely agree with you - although we may be in the minority here - that the rewards far outweigh the costs.

[greyartist]

Welcome, this is a good place to share the secret. :)

[Laila]

Welcome!! :3

[J Noland]

Hello, welcome. We love to new members and getting to know all about you. We've all been through the "getting caught" issue. You'll find lots or helpful folks here and you will in no time be one of us folks who are doing to welcomes and hellos! I'm keeping the secret from my friends and family. The only people that know are wild minds people :)