Worst year of DDing! Really struggling now.

[Nicola]

Ok so I'm 29 and been DDing for as long as I can remember. I've always been able to keep it under control most of the time, so that it doesn't interfere with my daily life. Il just do it in an evening when I go to bed.

As I've got older iv been doing it more and more, taking myself to my bedroom during the day, closing the door and DDing. But even then I was still able to work full time and have a social life.

Over the past few years it has become more and more intense, losing days, weekends DDing and becoming more of a recluse because I'd rather spend my free time DDing rather than socialising. However at the most I'd lose a week or two where I wouldn't work or attend to daily life, then after this 'intense period' I'd return to some normality.

This year however, it's gotten way out of control. Iv spent the whole year DDing basically, barely worked, barely socialised, gotten into major debt because of it. My family are majorly concerned about my reclusive lifestyle. The concern turned into frustration because they don't understand, even though iv explained and directed them to these websites.

Mum thinks I'm depressed because I'm a recluse. Earlier this year I lost it and took an overdose. I couldn't cope with the hassle from my family, or the idea that I have no life, I just simply exist. Plus I think being in isolation so long, sent me a bit loopy. I'm not depressed, I actually love DDing, it's when I'm most happy, lost in this secret fantasy world.

Anyway the overdose didn't work, after a week in hospital I returned home and back to square one, only it's worse coz now my family are hassling me more and more to get a life for myself because they are scared il do it again.

I was referred for psychology but when it came to talking about the specifics of my daydreams I couldn't. I'm happy for people to know I daydream but no living soul knows what I daydream about and I panic at the thought of anyone knowing. My therapist said I have things going on in my head that I don't talk about so it's only outlet is through daydreaming. Is that likely to be the case? Anyway I couldn't talk so my therapy ended.

I'm really stuck now. I have no motivation to do anything with my life because iv come to reject reality so much! The pressure on me is so intense, from my family to sort myself out, from creditors who want money for my debts that I simply can't pay because I can't get myself out to work.

Life is pretty dismal at the mo and I don't want to die but I get sick if living and death seems like the best way out of all this. Health professionals don't understand DDing so there's no help whatsoever for me. It's scary that its become so intense, iv never known DDing to affect my life as much as it has this year and its showing no signs of easing off like it used to. I'm scared that this is going to be my life now. A constant fight to get by.

If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I need to do something because I cannot carry on like this.

Thanks for reading and sorry iv written such a long post.

Nic xxx

[DebbieP.]

I think the bottom line is that DD can become an addiction.  It doesn't start out that way, but it's a lot like smoking, alcohol or drugs.  At first you only need a little time, a little escape/fantasy to get you through.  But eventually the need becomes greater and you invest more of your time in it -  to the point that it interferes in your life and that's where the problem lies.  You've tried to commit suicide - that's a major, major issue.  Perhaps next time you talk your therapist you could discuss ways to handle an addiction as opposed to just focusing on MD. 

Excessive daydreaming is a vicious cycle.  It presents a fantasy world that's perfect and we want to stay there, unfortunately, we really, really can't live in that world fulltime.  We have to make a living, develop relationships with others, etc.  So when we're constantly in our 'heads' our reality becomes worse in some or all aspects of our life.  Maybe we no longer look for a real life partner or spouse because we feel that no one will ever measure up to our fantasy person - well duh - of course not.  We don't stay in school because we don't want to concentrate on our studies - it's so much easier to daydream while in class.  So no degree.  Or we stay in a low paying, no satisfaction type job because in our fantasy life we're a famous actor or doctor or whatever.  But here's the problem.  We're really not our fantasy.  Because we didn't earn anything.  We didn't put the work in to succeed in reality.  We took the easy way out.

Over the past few years, I've slowly been taking my life back - to the point that I very rarely live in my fantasy world.  A few minutes here or there when I'm driving and listening to music (big trigger), a few minutes before bed - but that's it.  I'm kind of sick when I think of the years I wasted living in my head although for the most part I was able to function pretty well in the world.  I've been married 21 years now (second marriage), 4 wonderful children, a pretty good part-time job (wish I had stayed in school and got that 4 year degree!!) and we're OK financially.  But here I am - in my 50s - and when I remember blocks of my life - I can't!!  Because most of it was spent in excessive - wasteful - daydreaming!

Anyway - long post.  But please get help.  Please do not take your life over this.  See it for what it is and step out of your head into your life.  Take baby steps - life's a journey and all that.  And please keep us update :)

Debbie

[KwanKwan]

i feel for ya. while this isn't my worse year of Daydreaming, its definetly pretty bad.  i force myself not to set a schedule for daydreaming.

Like you know how some people on here say "ok, i'll daydream everyday between 4-5pm"? well, i cant and won't do that. but then i find my daydreams seeping into my concentration everytime i'm bored, like in math class lol.

[Jordan]

its like an addiction its hard to stop you find yourself getting more and more lost... im trying to quit now its not easy... but my advice would be if you want to find a way out focus on the most important things first, for me i ignored the bill collectors didnt even care or answer the phone for them anymore truth is they want their money i dont have their money so they can wait and i focused on my anxiety first, to me it was and is the most important so find whats most important to you and work on that first...hope that helped good luck!!