Where wild minds come to rest
Hello to everyone who spent time to read this post.
Well, these days I found myself not wanting to live anymore. It isn't that my life is really bad, in fact, it's a pretty normal life. I'm preparing for college, my exams are over and the results won't be that bad- maybe good. My family is good and well, I'm not that lonely. I have friends I can share my situation without worrying that they'll turn their backs on me.
But whenever I'm alone and espacially whenever I'm thinking about future, I feel like my life is pointless. I can get to a good school and I can have a good career but the other stuff? I don't think I can trust somebody enough to get married, and at some point my friends and my sister will be soo busy that they won't have time to spend on me. They'll have their own lives- husbands, wives, children etc etc. And I'll be happy for them. But my life will be empty and cold no matter what I become. You can say ''You can always get married and not be that lonely.'' But I have a massive fear that if I get married, it'll just be a disaster- and this time, it will have affects on somebody else too. I don't want to see the person I'm married suffering because of me.
The reason I'm still sad about this is I'm scared of being lonely. I can't imagine my life after my parents died. I'm being ridiculus, right? Yet again, these thoughts are stopping me from being hopeful about life. I lost my trust on my friends and I don't know who will stay with me. I guess no one. That makes it even worse. I find myself crying whenever I think about my future. If I didn't believe in a God, and if I wasn't afraid of the greater punishment I'll recieve if I take my life, I'll take it the minute I have the courage.