Where Are You, Big Brother?

[Lizzie Wanderlust]

    I watched a man cry the other day. I watched his head drop, and the tears roll down his face. I watched as his body trembled, and his breathing grew hard. I watched him, like he was a movie and I was the audience.
    This all happened as I waited for a ride home, outside of the public library connected to my school. I had just gotten out of a tough lab, and was ready to go home and start on all of the papers I had due the next day.
    As I walked to my normal place of sitting and waiting, I noticed there was a man already in my normal bench. I hesitated. People scare me. I know they shouldn’t… but they do.
    I chose to sit in a bench across from the man instead. For a while, I stared up at the library entrance, afraid of making eye contact with this mysterious man who had stolen my favorite bench. Eye contact meant conversation, and conversation meant I’d have to swallow my fear and talk to the man.
    However, to my little known knowledge, the man wanted nothing to do with me either. My eyes eventually drifted onto the man, and as I saw his trembling body and wet cheeks, I froze.
    He was young, probably in his twenties. He had dark black hair and a pierced lip. He was covered in tattoos, and looked like the kind of guy you’d see in a popular rock band. And there he was, crying.
    All my fear of him vanished. He was weak, hurt, sad… I wanted to comfort him. I wanted tell him it would be all right. I wanted to hug him, and make him smile. But I didn’t. I watched him for a bit, and walked away.
    
    Later on that night, I laid down across my bed and cried. I thought of the older brother I still so desperately wanted, the one who haunts my daydreams, yet will never exist in real life. I hugged my blanket against my chest, and let my tears coat my pillow. I begged and pleaded with the gods that my older brother would walk into my room, and save me from all the pain I felt.
    And just as I began to drift off into sleep, I thought of that man. I thought of all the things I could have said to him, of everything I could have done to stop his tears. I thought of all the reasons he could have been crying… Had he just broken up with his girlfriend? Had his mother just died in a car accident? Had he just wanted a little sister?


    Well, that’s my spew. Sorry I haven’t been on here very often. I’ve been busy with school and other life related things.
    Do you think I should have said something to the man? I’m sure he wasn’t crying over a missing little sister, but I still feel guilty for not doing my part to cheer him up. No one deserves to cry.
    And, is there anyone else who cries over a character from their daydreams? “My older brother” isn’t just one character. I’ve gone through many older brothers, and I feel like if I had the chance, I would take anyone in as my older brother. If only I could find someone who needed a lil sis as much as I need a big bro.

[Jennifer]

Oh my God. It's amazing how well you are able to explain your situation and how such a simple experience had made you feel. I am sorry you feel this way...You know, you could always make a friend and you could end up being so close that your friend could feel like a brother to you...That's just a thought. Would it be hard to do? Yes. But I'm sure you could do it.

Best of luck to you always. You can pull through this hard time, I'm sure you can. :)

[Emily]

Its easy to say, "You should have said something." But its a hard thing to do.
Yes, i have a "big brother". As an only child whose mom runs a daycare at our house, idk... I guess, in books and movies or life in general, ive always been intrigued by the protectve big bro role. Mine's 17, his name is Brian and is always there for me in my daydreams. He loves me. And I love him... Actually most of my male characters are protective of me in such a way.
Ive cried for so many characters. Its why i cant stop dd; i think theyd be devasted losing me (not saying that im so great or anything). We "grew up together". I created their pasts and made them who they are today.