When your dreams are better than reality...

[Sam]

Have any of you reached the stage where you just want to quit reality full time and totally live in your daydreaming?

Just moving from one daydream to another or a continuous stream of fantasy?

Books, movies, cartoons, fanfiction, real-life people or incidents can enable your dreaming. I've read comments on here that say that people know it's harmful and they are not truly living or doing anything with their life but they don't care. Don't want to stop. Well, I don't want to either.

My dreams are so much better than the reality- I want to dream forever. They are something I can control the outcome of. My dream characters have conflicts and problems but they have a support system or the inner strength to eventually come out on top. They aren't entirely happy but what I wouldn't give to trade my messy life for theirs. I no longer want to face life as it is.

I understand that this is not in keeping with good mental health and that I am reaching increasing levels of disassociation. I'm dread spending any time in the real world without MD as my anxiety gets through the roof to do things that require being fully present, even the simplest of tasks.

I feel like my MD is covering up other mental issues it's my detrimental coping strategy.

Depression: I'm not sure when it actually started but right now apart from my MD I feel numb to the world, apathetic towards life.  I have no long-term plans, I'm only living life to the bare minimum to just get by. Without MD my life feels pointless.

Addiction: I consider my MD an addiction as without some form of disassociation from reality it I feel like I can't cope to the extreme suicide is an appealing option as my life is without purpose or even the desire to do something with my life, to change anything. I feel that it may be a reward system problem, a dopamine response thing. I am emotionally involved in my daydreamed characters lives. I feel their happiness, sadness and other emotions as my own. I've physically cried, laughed, jumped for them I pace, rock, bop my head to facilitate a daydream. To the point where my own natural emotions are repressed because I don't want to deal with them and reality and therefore MD truly fuels me.

Self-hate: I use MD to cover this a lot- if my mind is occupied on my fantasy world building then I can't think on how much I truly hate myself and my life~ leading to self-harm, depressive thoughts and about a year ago a suicide attempt.

Sorry that this has gone very dark. I know some of you cope better and MD is not without its joys- It is literally the only thing giving me a purpose at the moment and fuels my happiness as my characters joys are my own. I understand the creative aspect of MD too- I'm studying for an English degree and love reading and creative writing.