Where wild minds come to rest
I joined this network quite some time ago, but for some odd reason never kept up with it, but, actually, I need to.
See, I've had this MD problem for a long time, I think since I was 4? Something like that.
I never realized that it was a-what? disorder?- in its own right. You see, I was told that it was a symptom of my depression....or something like that.
No one was even aware that I had this problem until I was in therapy as a teen-then I was told that this was my way of adapting to the lack of communication that the foster family had with us (they actually literally ignored us unless we did something wrong....odd, huh?) Perhaps so, but how do I explain doing this when I was 4? (I was still with my bio mom then).
Well, anyhow....I managed to lick this mess of a problem only after I had my son....at the age of 35. Now that I got slammed with a nasty bout of depression this past year, this problem has come back with a vengeance. I can't shake it, and part of me does not WANT to....and this is NOT GOOD.
See, what I seem to do is spin a dream world around someone that I actually know, (or in this recent bout, someone I know OF ), and I hate it, because this is not healthy. No. Not at all.
Now when I had this problem in the past, there was no ability to cyberstalk people, however, now? Yep, it can be done. So, guess what I find myself doing? Hunting down information on this person I know OF. Not good, trust.
Yeah. Not that I would do anything, mind, but.....ah, hell....for some odd reason, I'll tell myself, see, perhaps if I find (fill in the blank) out, I won't want to know about this person, and won't want to MD about him. Thing is, it don't work that way.
This is getting so frustrating.
Anyhow. I've been on meds, and that's not helping. In the past, it helped somewhat. Now? Nope. Perhaps I need another med? I don't know. Grrr.
I am glad that it's not interfering too much with my job, if at all. I hope it stays that way:D
Question to you all....anyone else MD about people that exist, and that you know? If so, what did you do to stop the obsession, if it was one?
I really hate this....poor person. Mind, the chance he'd even know I was doing something like this is slim and none, it's not like I'm communicating with him in any way (nor would I)...but, I wonder.