This is the blog of my dreams

[Sauna]

Just testing first. One two three. My favourite dreams are the ones that are recyclabe.

[Sauna]

Hello,

that 20-minute technique was totally wrong for me, it's crazy to stop working once I have finally got into it... my work maximum at the moment is 2 hours writing plus 1 hour of messages or something lighter.. plus housework and excercise and general worrying about the state of the world and humankind, which I cannot count to real work. 

[Sauna]

Thank you varghese e david for your thoughts, I am reading them again and again, and your poem, because there are very deep truths. And maybe I can have a dialogues here in this network.

Beating addiction in practice: I will try a new technique: 20 minutes very tight, do-not-think-of-any-nonsense-writing/working/real life doing something useful, 20 minutes of dealing with the same issue in an artistic way, and 20 minutes of absolutely out of this planet daydreaming. I have to try something, I'm desperate. Brains, be prepared for cold reality showers. Here we go. In fifteen minutes, thirteen. Sharpening pencils. Checking e-mails first. F***ing society, that makes reality so hard to bear!

While I was out in freezing blue snow landscape, I thought I would come up with something that would make everything make sense.

[varghese e david]

thinking aloud!!

I think,it’s our reverse thought that let us being cognitive at a different level.I remember once Ai Weiwei(Artist)made a statement through his artwork against Chinese Govt"i'm more fearful than other people,maybe,then I act more brave because I know the danger is really there.if I don't act the dangers become more stronger".It should be.People live and see life as compartmental than whole.All of them have  lost their compassion to others who are suffering. The world around us is becoming more dangerous than ever as the mass media manipulating people's mind across the globe. There are so many indigenous cultures in danger as well as their deep rooted knowledge.(I remember Wade Davis, Anthropologist)

 

Trivial contents of life: routs of life never going to be considering as we are going to follow the mass. Conformity leads us to mediocrity.

 

Children have a knack to be happy. they are creative and free from known at some level.Innocence can be a great friend!!!

 

Life is, we have to see from every aspect of it. It is more than a globe.

 

I like your way of thinking .It’s a Conscience of a Liberal. 

 

[Sauna]

Ok. I don't know how to use this blog format. And I don't really know how to interact with people here, it doesn't make any sense. I have no possibility to therapy, I have no friends that would have the time or interest enough to understand. I'll just write to myself then. One step away from dreaming or planning.

Since it is an addiction, I will first list the routes to real life, which may be universal:

-art, and this maybe the only way. Different forms, but some are more dangerous than others. If I draw same bud of flower two hundred times exactly in the same way, it is propably just mechanic and I daydream at the same time. So alarm bells should ring if head seems heavy, and there is no flow in work, just repetition.

-working in an environment that has people doing peacefully their own job or chores at the same time. Library, community centre, work office.

-Children or other people or creatures that need your care. Careful not to fall into thoughts, but it is easy to play and create stuff, little tales, songs, jokes, games, practice and teach skills and talk in different languages. Possibly be happy and laugh, be open to positivity. Wow, I really like children.

-Romantic situations. I will not comment this one any further, but there are certain dangers in this. Most dangerous is rejection or failure and that may lead to the other side. I try to get used to rejection.

-Clothing. Nice, not fashionable necessarily, but flattering and creative clothing. It's kind of part of an identity of a woman and again possibility to realise creative thoughts.

-State of the world. It may push to daydream but it may help to stay in reality too. I wonder if people in catastrophies stayed in the real world or slipped away every now and then. Is dreaming hoping.

-Following time. This is a tricky one. For concentration you have to loose sense of time. I don't know how to solve this. Maybe I should put my alarm on and try not to daydream for 15 minutes.

-Interesting subject. To read or trying to formulate something to other people can keep from a total collapse. I love lectures and conversations. I should have more possibilities for it and not prison myself. I'm so cruel to myself.

 

Secondly, list of things that are sure to make thoughts drift:

-Media overall, stories that are emotionally something that is needed. Idealised image of woman. Idealised images of a nice home.

-Failure in some area.

-Difficulties in something or life in general or big pile of laundry. I can't believe it, but laundry is the worst.

-"You have to"'s - I really don't and I usually won't even if I thought I really did.

-Exciting new people or meeting really old friends. (Wonder why.)

-Noticing that yesterday was mainly dd or that today is started with dd so let it go.

-Expectations for own development. The hopes and dreams that are just too far today.

-Being lonely, feeling ugly, no self-esteem, future, friends, declining environment and evil people in the society and overall the system that allows cruelty to people, animals. I just hate humankind because they let China torture the wonderful people and culture of Tibet. Although, that is so awful, it is like the Nazi's of our time, that it makes me want to live real me and help them.

 

I must finnish. I think it is an accomplishment to concentrate on this writing. I still don't think I'm crazy, I just need help and I just want to live, and I'm afraid of sickness and death.

[Sauna]

Hi,

I'm happy that I found this network. I always knew my personality is not a depressed one. When I have seen a counsellour, psychologist, or told my friends about my dark thoughts, they thougt I was quite cheerful mostly and could not believe I was somehow sick. I have not had anxiety for a long time, it was just those difficult life situations. I can actually see, whats the root of my problems in life and why everything is on a standstill, and why I get depressed and nothing done - I just daydream excessively, and I havent controlled it for a long time and I dont do in real life what my real compentence is.  I'm a bit dissapointed two: I actually don't feel so special anymore; other people have the same problem and it is not actually so unique to have a limitless imagination. It is a pity that noone has not been able to help me before - I have lost so many possibilities.

 

Still, I believe we have a specific purpose in life and we just need to realise it and grow as big as we can in our life inside. This is needed for other purposes. Maybe I will invent something.

 

But the practical life I lead at the moment is full of different kind of dreams. I have read about this problem and there seems to be different kinds of dreaming. At the moment most disturbing for me is that I seem to think of every dialogue with almost every person I meet, in advance and it is taking so much energy.  Then I cannot stop thinking about this person I have romantic feelings for, and its pushing me to be a statue that runs a film several times a day (a romantic comedy mostly with pretty saltry seasoning). And then there are these dreams that I want to accomplish in life, small and big. And so much more.

Always when I focus on something truly in real life, I seem to succeed in some level at least. The one thing right is my child, and that is because I dont let myself fall into dreams with her, at least not too much. Funny enough, I have managed to keep her balanced.

It is not nice to notice, that I have kind of done things half way and dreamt the rest. I should have accomplished so much more - not just because it is good for me, but because I am a person with capabilities (like everyone else is good in something of other) and I should make good use of them. This is a crazy world and there is so much good to be done, so I should fullfill my place. But Im just watching these films... day in day out.

Of course Im really good in making them up. In making myself look good, or beating myself down, in seeing catastrophies, in all kinds of forms of fiction that human life involves. I wonder if it is like the thought life of a child... if every adult should actually be able to dream more, like us... so that the world surrounding us would be better. If they just had dreamed more, and oppressed nature and other people less! I dont know.

I have tried to write them down.. I have realised the fantasies in some form.. If only I could put this daydreaming into good use... but the books dont get finished, the paintings either... mind you, I am quite a good dancer, because the body gets the excercise and develops, remembers. Or am I just dreaming!

Anyway, I have decided I cannot and I do not want to dream so much anymore. Half of the dreams are not pleasent at the time, I end up dead or something, and as I said it is taking so much energy. And time... I wont give more time to this problem, I want to live... and if I ever get a moment with him, I have already decided I will say something, or I will regret it for the rest of my life... I just dont want to dream anymore...

[Boogman]

I agree. The best worlds are ones you can visit again and again, and build over time.