The moment when, finally, everything makes sense.

[Annie Huang]

For all intents and purposes, I am a perfectly functioning adult as viewed from the outside. My studies are going well, I have a social life (when I want to), and I consider myself a hale and hearty individual. But for some reason, I often fall into this sort state of conscious hibernation, where I retreat into really vivid daydreams. It's been going on since I was young, and I thought it would eventually go away when I grew up. But it hasn't, not really. I looked up "excessive daydreaming," ADD, etc. on Google, did all the research, but nothing really seemed to fit -- so I just kind of assumed that maybe it was just a personal issue. You have no idea how relieved I am.

I can't really say whether or not the daydreams are normal, since I don't have much to compare it to. If I were to describe it, I would say that they're more vivid than foggy. Not /realistic/, per say, since many are quite fantastical. But the characters in the daydream are developed. They have personality, history, motive. Most of all, the emotions carried within the daydreams are intense. I've sometimes caught myself physically smiling or frowning, which I can usually brush off if need be. For more intense reactions, I usually get restless, and hence the pacing. I'll sometimes spend half an hour to hour long streaks of daydreaming, during which time I'll either start pacing around aimlessly or lie down without closing my eyes. To remedy this, I usually go outside to walk (so I don't freak out the roommates).

What worries me most is daydreaming in public. When your daydreams spill out into physical reactions, I start to wonder about the extent of my response. Sometimes, when I snap out of the daydream, I instinctively check the faces of the people around me to make sure that I haven't just nun-chucked someone in reality (actually a possibility, since I practice a couple of martial arts styles). Since there's a lapse of time where you essentially let go, you kind of wonder, "What was I doing? Did I freak someone out just now?" It's ranges from slightly embarrassing to OH GOD, depending on the dream.

For the most part, it's not that obtrusive in day-to-day activities. I tend to lapse into it when I have spare time, or am in transit. Sometimes, I'll find it hard to stay on task. You start feeling antsy, or a sense of urgency. The only way I've found around this is to keep myself constantly busy, piled with so much stuff that I can't really afford to daydream. Either that, or be extremely strict and regimented (I am not fond of either method). It's like being an addict...but for free, and with ample supply. And it is a battle, to be vigilant and to strike that balance. I fail often, but hey. Creativity fuels many things, good and bad.