The Irony of Withdrawal

[Kia Hood]

It is certainly odd, to think about the irony of the current state I'm in.

Ask anyone and they would most likely tell you that the "normal state" would be to be wide awake in the real world. For us that have MD we often find ourselves in a dreamworld, while still present in the "real world", meaning our daydreams are like a withdrawal from reality and should stress us out and interfere with our life to the extent that we waste time we should use for important things like getting ready, eating, socializing or working. 

For me personally, daydreaming is something I've always done and the way I do it is a bit different to how most people on the Internet are describing it, which got me a bit unsure of whether I actually "qualify" to have MD or not. The difference is that while most people pace around their room or completely block out everything around them, which I experience too, however not that commonly, I daydream all the time.

We are living in a world of routine. We get up in the morning and start our daily routine. Surely, for a lot of people every day is different, yet barely any of us keep facing completely new situations on a regular basis. With that, once my mind and body have found their rythm for a task due to repetition (like taking a shower for example) my mind has enough time and storage to focus on something else, leading to me daydreaming. And so I have spent the last few years in school, constantly finding my mind drifting away from listening to the teacher, my mind wandering off when sitting in the bus to school and listening to music, or in the afternoons when my brain needs a break from cocnentrating hard in school earlier. Daydreaming has become as normal a part of me as breathing, though maybe not quite as important for survival. 

Last month, however, I finally graduated from school so the daily routine has ended for me. First off, I started working on getting my driver's permit. So far, I manage very well to concentrate on driving and keeping my mind focused on it instead of drifting off to far off places. I am, however, slightly scared that once I have the driver's permit and found routine in driving, that my mind will wander off again, like it always does once I don't have to focus on another task.

Secondly, and more importantly, I started working at the beginning of this month. While a driver's ed class takes about 90 minutes, work is 8-9 hours, 5 days a week. Since everything is still very new and also very different to school, it exhausts me a lot due to having to concentrate so much as well as the physical aspect of it. With that being said, my mind is so busy there that I cannot daydream and that doesn't stop with my shift, but instead my mind needs to process everything during my freetime, meaning I honestly do not have time to daydream anymore.

A lot of you may find this to be a good thing, but honestly, I like my daydreaming and don't want it to go away. I get a bit uncomfortable and stressed out over this withdrawal from my daydreaming because it's always given me energy to do tasks and socialize when necessary.

I hope that I will soon grow accustomed enough to the job that I will at least be able to daydream when I'm not at work...

[Dusty]

I have experienced exactly this! Although not for exactly the same reasons.

The following things happened that made me daydream significantly less often and with less intensity:

-moving back to my family home where there is inadequate privacy to pace and act out the daydreams, lessening their impact dramatically

-being rejected by a crush and for a long time I found it very difficult to become interested in anyone else. It was such a strong crush that no other guys held any appeal for me for two years afterwards. Slowly I'm having (relatively minor but distinct) crushes again, on guys I'm actually going out with.

-I was in school from September until April, so like you I was very busy with studying and the social aspects, so not only did I have inadequate downtime but I also lacked the "fuel" for daydreaming due to a lack of romantic interest.

I somehow ended up in a relationship last September/October and was unable to feel anything for the guy. This was largely because I was so out of the daydreaming routine and I realized that was what caused me to have feelings for guys in the first place, whether I'm dating them or not

This actually made me quite depressed for a few months, realizing I had dated a great guy but felt absolutely nothing compared to what I used to feel for my MD crushes. I felt let down and lost interest in the idea of relationships altogether.

I had a terrible bout of health anxiety from December-January where all I could think about was that I probably had cancer (which I don't, don't worry) so I wasn't thinking about much else, not even school, much less daydreaming

Recently my daydreaming is coming back in small increments from having crushes on new people... which is a very good thing IMO. I still lack the amount of privacy needed to fully become absorbed in vivid daydreams, however.