Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Probably a day or so ago i actually discovered the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming". When i googled it i was so shocked at how the description matched what i've been going through for about 7 years now. My main trigger is music. I pace in my room every day for hours listening to music and my mind going to another place. Until the other day before i finally talked to my mom about it, i thought that most of my family just assumed that i was dancing to music in my room, but it turns out that my mom suffers from it too, it was more intense when she was younger but she says she still daydreams a lot and has short paces back and forth, mainly when she cleans. I wonder if anyone else has parents who suffer from it too? She thought that i might have gotten it from her, she thought maybe i watched her pace when i was younger but i honestly do even remember seeing her doing it. So i doubt i got it from seeing her because it only started in middle school not when i was very young. I didn't even have imaginary friends or play with barbies that much.
Along with music being a trigger, books , tv, and movies also make me want to pace to music. If i don't have music a lot of the times i can't day dream, with the exception the ones i have right before i go to bed sometimes, but that habit had dwindled down a bit since i was in a relationship, but it's gradually starting again now that it ended a few months ago.
Last fall was my first year at college and i thought that maybe i would pace and daydream as much because i would be in a room with another person so i couldn't do it. And that was the case for a few weeks, but then it transferred over to excessive walking. The university i go to is large-five campuses with shuttle buses to get students around. It came to the point where i would avoid taking the shuttles as much as i could and walk across the campuses as long as i could listening to music while in a fantasy. I was addicting, and i would do it no matter what the weather was. But if i didn't have music then i would find the quickest way to get where i needed to go.
It's very addicting to me. If i can't pace for a long period of time i become anxious and agitated. I have to find different things to keep me distracted from wanting to do it, such as watching films or working out. This summer especially, i have become addicted to watching tons of films on netflix and i've notices i have been pacing less, but i still do it for a couple hours each day. On and off.
It hasn't ruined my life or gotten in the way much, when i need to get work done i know how to put myself in the corner of the library and focus. Although i'm not entirely sure if it will ever go away because even when i'm on vacation or not home or at school and i can't pace i have these mini pacing OCD scenes where i walk back and forth a couple times while i'm visualizing something in my head and i have to force myself to stop, but it doesn't happen often so it doesn't concern me much.
My mom dealt with her MD by writing novels and sci fi stories when she was younger, and was on her way to publishing them until she lost them or something. I used to be into writing but i just kind of fell out of it i guess. I kind of wouldn't mind doing a couple short stories here and there though. Maybe i'll write a little something until this summer time passes by and school starts up again.
It's very weird talking about this, and i still don't think i could go into detail about the things i conjure up in my head on here because i haven't spoken to anyone except my mom about this. I really thought i was alone and just suffering from a weird habit. But when i found this site i was so relieved that there was a name for what is happening to me and others that have it too. It fells good to write about though. I think it'll take a while before i could actually talk to a person face-to-face about it. For some reason i tear up...maybe because i don't talk about it much. Bu it's great to know there are others :)