ruining my life

[sinead marie]

I'm new here so I really have no idea how this site functions, so you'll have to excuse me!

 

I have felt as though I am losing my mind for years now, except that before I can appropriately address the fear and try to make plans for improving things I start 'daydreaming' again. My entire life is made up of elaborate 'fantasies' (I hate that word-it sounds nerdy and like i'm a creep) and half-baked regular thoughts. I can't function anymore!

 

I'm a full time uni student and my ability to study (or even attend lectures) is dwindling as the days go by. I haven't handed any assignments in on time yet this semester. It doesn't even panic me at all, I tell myself every morning I will just sit down and do some study and the next thing I know it's time for bed at night (not in a losing time kind of way- don't worry). Even my ability to make myself get breakfast or lunch is useless, unless someone else is there I can barely function properly. Time just flies. 

 

I barely sleep anymore because I lay there for hours thinking about generally the same scenarios. I feel like I could write a movie about them. In fact I can remember fantasies that I made up when I was around 4 or 5 because they were so detailed. Anyway because I'm not sleeping well I feel exhausted and sensitive all the time- which of course makes me overreact and panic about this (during the brief time I'm not daydreaming). My life is basically a changing of the guard between daydreams and utter panic.

 

Does anyone else get this? I've always had this it just seems to be escalating lately and to be honest it's scaring me to death. I used to look forward so much to time alone just so I could daydream, whereas now it's like I can't stop doing it and I don't think I 'really' want to but at the same time I feel so much frustration and hatred that I can't just get my act togther.

 

I'm worried It'll (continue to) ruin my life. Has anyone gotten over these sorts of problems? I feel helpless.

By the way I'm sorry but I'm not spell checking this because chances are I'll zone out a quarter way through and just delete it all.

 

Sorry for the rambling.

[Rezona]

I am in college right now also; my first year I rely didn't study or go to class because I couldn't get out of my bed. Just wanted to daydream for hours. I felt so lazy and not in control of my life! I want to succeed and basically set out to find out how to succeed. First off studying will not happen when I get home; due to a pull to my bed so I can continue daydreaming. I have a planner and write down when I have class, if an event is written in my planner I HAVE to attend. Also at my school there are open labs and free tutoring. In between class that is where I go, and after all my classes are done I sit in the library to force myself to study and go over my notes. When I feel like I'm falling behind I write down a to do list to show me what needs to be done. I used to be late and unorganized cause all my time was spent day dreaming. Find out what you need to do to get you back on track! You can do it. Once you start getting your academic life back on track you would be so nervous about spending that extra time fantasizing. Trust me you can do it. For every problem, there is an action which leads to a solution. As long as my work is being completed I don't mind or get angry at my imaginary world.

[Laila]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine just a few months ago. I also made my first post here when I was a full time university student, going through the same stuff and sitting in an isolated corner in the library everyday just so I could daydream. It's difficult to handle college and MD, but hang in there! TJ has some pretty nice suggestions there. It also wouldn't hurt to join a club or get a job on campus, or try new ones. I really wish I had done that now, to develop a sense of responsibility and to fill in time I'd otherwise spend daydreaming. xD

[J Noland]

Hey don't be so hard on yourself! If you had a more socially acceptable "thing" like ADHD you wouldn't blame yourself!  When I read your post it reminded me of when I was in college. Now that I think about it I got alot more studying and homework done if I went to the school library. I was a master at cranking out a paper at the last minute too. As several others on this site will tell you too...study for a set time then dd for a set time, then study again, etc. It's so hard to stay focused on reading all those chapters of stuff when you've got a raging DD waiting for you, I know all about it! I can tell you from personal experience- it's really great to get done with school and then find a job that you can schedule quality dd time around. Not guilty "oh I'm gonna be sorry but I can't help it" dd's but pure awesome just dd until I'm sick of every song on my ipod dd. Okay, I'm a bit dramatic but seriously if anyone has any suggestions on new songs to download (I am an 80's nerd). In all seriousness, I do hear what your saying and I have been there. It's hard and it will be work. I didn't know about maladaptive daydreaming back then, I just thought I was a lazy person with no control over my imagination. I don't know if it's better knowing or not but at least you don't have feel like the only person in the world struggling with it (I'm jealous). Anyways, hang in there :)