rewriting movie lines while you watch

[fish.the.bulb]

Not sure where to put this. Its not like I am delusional or something. I just imagine what would be the 'optimal' things for the characters to say, if I were in their shoes or I was writing a script.

My fear of social situations is so bad that I have stopped watching many movies and tv shows because there is an awkward situation. I am too empathic, it feels like all that shit is actually happening to me and I get nervous.

[fish.the.bulb]

I can pinpoint where my anxieties are at their most: romantic situations and people going undercover. I guess that is where people are vulnerable to getting exposed as a fraud, rejected, etc.

A lot of where I have my own dialogue are situations of tension, confrontation. I was the diffuser of tension in my fucked up family as a child, so I guess I imagine myself making the peace.

None of this was as bad a few years ago when my career was headed in the right direction. But I fucked up, too badly to recover, and I have isolated myself from everyone. My movie watching is part procrastination part exposure therapy: If I can't get through a rom-com how could I go on a date? If I can't confront someone fucking me over how can I handle a business deal gone wrong?

I won't enter the chatroom here because i am too scared of being judged, or offending people. Plus I never know what to say. Anyway, thanks for responding.