No, I'm not stupid

[Stephanie Criddle]

Why is it when you act or speak differently from most people, it is the common thought that it must mean that you are stupid and as such must be directed or talked down to. I especially see this at work. I tend to be not so much antisocial as I have a great problem fitting in anywhere. I'll be the first to admit that I'm sociall awkward. Maybe that has fed into my daydreaming. Maybe not, since I've been doing it for as long as I remember. I do know it has made it so I don't actively seek out human companionship. It has definitely affected my relationships, since I don't have anyone in my life outside of my pets.

Work is particularly like that. I work in a high stress environment, made even more stressful because daily I'm being talked to like I'm stupid. Because I was basically deaf as a kid, I have a bad speech impediment. That doesn't help it at all, and I do know I speak before I think at times. So that makes it worse. I am constantly being told that I am wrong or I said something wrong or that I need to be "instructed" or explained to.

Unfortunately, because I can only focus on one thing at a time I study that item for a while then drop it when something else comes to my attention. So that makes me not exactly one hundred percent knowledgeable at really anything. That adds to people talking down to me.

Because of things like this I want to daydream more. I hate the fact that I am always slipping into my daydreams, but truth be told I'd rather be myself in the dream then here. And I often daydream of ways a conversation could have been different or how I could have really expressed myself to the person in a future conversation.

I am not stupid. I see and understand more than what most people think they see. I am a supervisor in my workplace and know about everything that goes on there, and my people come to me all the time with their problems because they know I will listen, and tend to be surprised when I already know what's going on. I have read at a college level since I was in middle school and study everything from foriegn languages (Japanese is killing me, I swear) to philosophy and politics. I am a proficient musician and an alright artist (well, I broke my finger a week ago, so that's going to be on the backburner for a while) and believe it or not my food is edible.

I am so thankful for finding this place. A place where there are others like me, where I don't feel like I'm fighting alone. I'm new here, and I've read all the forums and the blogs so far that I could and I feel that each of you can understand me. Sorry for the length, it is a bit wordy. But thank you.