my story

[Nunya Beezwax]

I didn't have a horrible child hood. I wasn't abused or anything. my parents were divorced. To this day at 22 I want a closer relationship with my dad. I see him often but the relationship is lacking. I constantly have an attitude but inside I'm so stoked to be around my father. I started DD when i was about 8-9. I was someone else. My mother(in my fantasy) was gorgeous,affectionate and i was the golden child. My father in my fantasy was handsome..loving i guess..but his character never fully developed to me. I noticed i tended to go for real life celebrities. they played my mothers. it would be several different people over the course of years. it would even be people i knew or came in contact with that i deemed as beautiful,confident and strong. They had to be my mother. Seeing mothers who were affectionate and call them sweety triggered a new fantasy in me. I needed that mom.And i would be someone else for sometimes short or long periods of time. I never really wanted to mix my reality with my fantasy..so names were important..faces were important..they couldn't even resemble one another...when one fantasy faded or became boring..a new one began.. My mother loves me,i know she does. We have a good relationship. But for some reason, i was never been satisfied..I NEEDED more LOVE. its been a few weeks and i have made it without DD. its been hard. so many triggers..You all probably know what i mean by saying its been hard. I read an article about an person with MD questioning maybe they were a narcissist ..it sparked something in me ..i always play the beautiful talented person in my DD..I am the one so well loved and admired..in my real life i want to be admired, i want people to say "oo i wanna be like her"! is that Narcissistic? anyways..that made me say..i have to STOP! I love my family....I am who I am..I think my issues was this..I was never satisfied.. I have to keep reminding myself..."this is your life" its really not that bad...but i want the glamourous life..but at the same time..i don't wanna miss out on MY LIFE  imagining and DDing...i think as a child it was ok..but at 22..i have to throw away my pacifier

[Iris]

In some ways I can relate to your story. From outside my childhood also looked normal like yours. I wasn't beaten or abused, we weren't poor (nor rich). My parents got divorced when I was 9, and this was the time my daydreams started. Millions of kids have divorced parents, but I think my problem was that I felt extremely lonely and had not one soul who cared about my problems. I stayed with my depressive mother, but I had prefered to stay with my dad, but I didn't tell  anyone. So I cared more for my mom, and didn't want to make her sad with my needs.

You write that you needed an affectionate mom, but you also write, that you know, that your mother loves you. Maybe she just can't show, how much she loves you. You can't change your parents, that's also a way to grow up, to accept reality and make the best out of it.