My story

[glorybemine]

Hi everyone,

Im a 32 year old mother, living with my 2.5 yr old son and my loving husband. I want to share my story with you all. First of all let me tell you, the fact that i'll be understood here is very reassuring.

 

I have been daydreaming since chidlhood. I have read that MD is usually a result of trauma. Well i can remember only one incidence that could have caused me such deep trauma. My mum had twins (me and my sis) when she was 21 and she couldn't manage being a mother to two kids at that age escpecially as she herself was a pampered kid and was not used to hard work. So by mutual agreement between my grandmother (mum's mum) and my mum, my granny took me stay with her till i was 2.5 yrs. Even though i dont have clear memories of it - I reember being really really happy, carefree and content with mygranparents. It was the most blissful time of my life. I was visited by my parents ans sister every summer vacation but to me they were visitors not family. My family was my grandparents - they were my parents.

 

And then the inevitable happened. My parents came one summer vacation to finally take me into their home, My granny accompanied me my new home just so i could get used to the new life. I dont remember this, my mum told me - the day my granny left , i cried like i was being tortured. I was upset long after 'my mum' was gone. I think this changing of mothers & the lifestyle for me was a very traumatic event and is what made me  escape into my daydreams becasue that's where i could escape from life's uncertainities and insecurities.

 

There is no telling how much i have suffered emotionally due to my daydreming. I tried hard to motivate mysef to give it up but in vain. I tried talking to my mother, my sister, a close freind about it but no one understood me. Eventually i realsed that understanding what was going on with me and "fixing' the problem was my burden to bear alone.

 

I gave up tyring to reach out and tried to blend into the world around me as much as i could. I was a bright and vivacious, talented and ambitious girl but my daydreaming robbed me of many beautiful opportunities in life - career, relationships, pursuing my passions. My self esteem & self belief absolutely nosedived during my teen years as i discoverd i was different from my peers. I was consoled for my failures by the more understanding freinds, ridiculed by the competetive and super acheiver types. My mom was very ambitious for me and she tormented me a lot for my failures too and so my relationship with her (and my sister, she was like my mum) were always strained. I couldnt assert my self and founf myslef being domineered and controlled by a lot of people in my life. I was so happy to get away from my family when i got married - it was freedom at last!

 

I feel like i could have been so much more had i not been daydreaming my life away. Try as i might i couldn't control it. I would be up all night studing for an exam.. but i would actually be daydreaming the whole time staring at the book, knowing all the while that i would fail this exam. What a terrible feeling that was. I still have nightmares about exams and my not being prepared for them. I wonfer why i was condemned to this life of numbness.

 

I used to think i was suffering from ADD becasue daydreaming is listed as one of the symptoms of ADD. I have never got any medication for my condition and i dont intend to. Meditation, yoga and reading self help books has helped me take steps to motivate myslef on the path of spiritual and personal growth. Now, i do see MD as a gift, for had i not suffered from it, i would never have discoverd my spiritual side and known about the wonderful and wierd and outh there theories/events/things i have read about. On that note, i want to mention that i believe in the Alien Invasion Theory, Hollow Earth Theory and have read numerous amount of literature regarding them. I have also been reading a lot of spiritual material. I would say i have come a long way from my depressing days in school and college. I have a happy, materially fulfilled family life. Although i still would like to overcome my daydreaming and make life a more meaningful experience for me and my son and my family! Thanks  a lot for reading - would love to hear your comments. xx

 

 

[J Noland]

Hello! I think I've got a pretty good handle on the dd'ing for now...as long as my social life stays quiet. I find when something interesting is going on I can break away from the dd'ing easily but sometimes my social skills just disappear! I'll be chatty and have no problems for a few days then all of a sudden I have no idea what to say. I'm not sure if I turn to dd'ing more during those times or if I'm socially awkward during a heavy dd'ing episode. I'm just learning to see it in a new light since finding these web sites, it's very enlightening! I wish I could have a go at real life as much as I do in my mind. I really love to think that there is an alternate world where there's a chance I may see something come true. I notice that while I'm washing dishes or the like, I'll imagine I'm washing dishes in one of my dream worlds. It makes the mundane more fun. Now if only I could imagine away this terrible economy! I suppose I could be in the poorest place imaginable and still DD. At least it's free ;)

[glorybemine]

Hi Jen,

Godd to hear from you! I'm in the same boat as yours. Constantly fighting the daydreaming urge and use my time in more constructive ways. I still do it, but i feel now i have more control over it than before, which means i can switch my state of minds when need arises. How about you? Emotionally charged activities/situations and creative activities are the best remedy for daydreaming but alas, there;s always mundane stuff like washing, cooking and cleaning that needs to be done. Would love to share ideas! Thanks for writing :) . cheers. Preeti.

[J Noland]

Isn't it great to know there are other people who know exactly what you're going through?! I am jealous of the young people here who don't have to grow up alone with MD (I'm in my late 30's). I'm trying to cut back on the daydreaming with out meds too. It's really difficult because I just do it automatically sometimes. My social life and studies sufferred because of the MD growing up too. I could have done so much but then I would not have been able to observe so much. Sounds awful to be just switched to a new mum like that. I'm so happy to read about people with the same coping stategy of MDing. Cheers, Jen