My mind is my sanctuary

[Fluffy Clouds]

Hello! Happy to have myself as a part of this community :) *virtual hugs*

Being here, I wish to write stories of my life, as being someone who loves to daydream. I daydream a lot, but fortunately I had a good control of it. I would describe myself as an imaginative person (as we all are), an introvert who thinks of things deeply, but yet simple-minded at most times.

My mind or my imagination is my secret world. And it all roots back to my childhood~

*flashback*

It all kinda started when I was 9 years old. I went shopping with my mom and found this one adorable notebook. It's a small book, with a picture of a drawn meadow as the cover. I can't recall on what really happened, but the idea of making this book as a diary came to me. So, it eventually became my first ever diary, and I named it : Violet Meadow. 

Why Violet Meadow?

Hm, it's funny how my 9-year-old self managed to come up with a full name for a book. Well, for the 'meadow', it was probably because of the book cover. As for the 'violet', it basically came from the short 'Roses are red, violets are blue' poem. I guess violet was my favorite color at that time. 

The contents was mostly stories about my school life, crush, and dreams. I was the kind of person who tend to cherish the happy moments in my life, even the little ones, and thus I wrote them in my diary. I would start off by writing 'Dear Violet' and sometimes with conversations and questions like 'How are you?'. Violet became like a friend to me, an imaginary friend. I imagined her to be a cartoonish lady with violet wavy long hair, wearing a white dress. I was aware that she's just an imagination, but talking to her made me happy. 

Since that, my circle of imaginary friends started to grow. There's Anna, Hana, Chibi, Tomo, Teddy, Kyouya, alongside Violet. Most of them, if you notice, have Japanese names. Nope, I'm not Japanese. But my childhood was basically filled with Japanese cartoons(anime). If you're an anime fan, you would probably knew which TV shows they come from :)

With my imaginary friends being cartoons, I actually made up a cartoon version of myself.

With such an established group of imaginary friends, I created an imaginary room - a living room with a small wooden Japanese table, a TV, small light from a bulb that lightens up the room which was surrounded by darkness. There was a door too. Yup, that is how I imagined how my 'mind' would be like.

We sat around the table, drinking green tea and munching cookies while having conversations. Sometimes we would chat about my day, sometimes about feelings, and even serious world issues too. The conversations was thorough and fun, but thinking now, it was basically me expanding the idea, and expressing my opinions in different point of views.

Truthfully, each of them resembles myself, maybe in terms of characteristics, behaviours or habits. They are the different parts of my identity.

That's all for now. For the next post, I'll try to continue more on their characters that resembles me :D 

I really want to post a picture of my drawings of them. I used to draw them in the diary. (with the cartoon version of myself). Simple doodles :)

Have a good day,

Nick.

[Roel]

ps: sorry for the length XD

[Roel]

It is awesome that you still know where it started, and can describe it like this :) It is realy beautiful, the way that dreams are made :3

The first imaginary characters I had were just people that I met in dreams during night, that I then continued fantasising about. I didn't give them names untill a short time ago, because I wanted to dig into my past to look at the history and development of my dreams. A lot of them still don't have a name :/

One of my first imaginary friends, that I used to interact with (for most of the time I am not a part of my dreams, but this was an exeption) is someone I call "Kellet het Skelet". Kellet is a living skeleton. I didn't want him to be scary or anything, it's just that I met him in a nightdream, and there he was a friendly skeleton, and I always needed to help him find his head, arm, leg or body.
I also dreamed that I was actually a mix of three other personalities, and together these three imaginary friends formed me. They were called "Hart" (Heart), "Ziel" (Soul), and "Brein" (brain). All three of them were me, but I considered Ziel to look the most like me, because he was the spectator, he felt the emotions that Hart felt, and he lived in the dreams that Brein made.

The first 'place' I ever made (like you made a livingroom) was "droompuzzel". All the dreams that I had at night, I "saved" in a land called Droompuzzel, and there all the odd creatures lived together, exept for the Kwellers (they were the creatures that lived in nightmares and they were evil and dangerous)

The more complex the stories that I made in my daydreams became, the more other characters came to existance that I had never seen in Nightdreams before, and so these new characters were no citizens of Droompuzzel. They all got their own worlds, that fitted with their stories. "Paracosms". The biggest Paracosm that I made in my daydreams, was Altra, the Burning Planet were all kinds of monsters live and have legendary adventures.

However I grew up...
Some bad and messed up things entered my mind. I can not handle emotions, so I like to transform them into imaginary characters as wel, because that I can handle. These characters, these new and more dangerous Kwellers destroyed Droompuzzel when I was 11 years old. Ziel who was in Droompuzzel at the time needed to run, and up to this day he is still running from the Kwellers.
Now, a lot of characters I make are designed to keep Kwellers away from Ziel. There is Varu, a cute animal-like and happy little hero that has 'the strenght of the good'. Good always wins from evil, and because of this power, he is able to defeat the most scary and biggest monsters that come jumping straight out of horrible nightmares. There is professor Rol, he helps Ziel to see the way in the chaotic brain, he is a brilliant man and is a great imaginary friend to have. There are a lot more of these, most of them fight against the "Restanten", a group of Kwellers that is realy vicious.
There even are characters designed for specific Kwellers. For example "Hatenaas" (Ace of Hates) is a character that can completely obliterate a Kweller called "De Vierde". De Vierde is my version of unhealthy lust, that I realy struggled with in puberty. Creating Hatenaas was my only way to stop De Vierde and to save my soul... so yeah...

I guess my characters started to resemble, not myself, but my problems. This weird story aside, I also make a lot of fun or cool stories, just to enjoy myself. These stories have nothing to do with pain or suffering.

So that is (a part of) my story

Feel free to tell more about yours ;)

[Fluffy Clouds]

That's very cool!

I daydreamed of musicians and actors too. I never really put myself in the daydreams, but I would create new characters to fit the story. I would build the characters in detail and their story would grow more complex as the time goes.The ideal character was probably what I wish to become, but I still couldn't put myself as being them. Sometimes I wish they were real people, living in this world.

Maybe I just wanted to imagine things if they were to happen differently. Like for the movies that I watched, I would daydream of my actress character to be in the movie and changes the plot as I like.