my MDD story

[MMSaber]

So here I am  ,  5 years of traveling and seing , nothing , 5 years of doing the same thing and dealing with a problem that did not seam to end , now I'm just 13 , might look like I'm over reacting , maybe I am , but If I think about it it all makes sense , finaly XD , so here I was a little kid , I hear its 'normal' to have imaginaiy friends at that age and sure have your little fantazie land , but up to how long and how often . Most will stop this after a while and go out in the real world , going shoping , thinking about food , makeup gossip and living life to the fulest , yeah It sounds all good , but what happends to the others , like me .

Here I was a while back , wanting my parents to leave the house and taking a step back into the wonders of the mind , yeah It sounds all nice , but look what happends when I start growing into adolescence and you get embarassed by anything and absolutely want to fit it , and feel like your hole life is a mess and you cant just get out ! It can stress you out , and I'm not the most joyfull one out there , and when I kept daydreaming and snaping out of it and realising what I kept doing and coming back to reality , It makes me feel pissed and deppressed that for some reason I just couldnt seem to stop , and there went my self esteme , I felt like It was the stupidess thing in my life , I felt horrible ...

But what happend , I keep doing it , and then one day I start realising something , everytime I really wanted to stop I found myself daydreaming again , then I got pissed , 'Why can't I stop' this is crazy , and then I went of with my day and daydreaming again , It became like a serious issue ...

I remeber once I desided to try counting maybe how many times I would daydream , and once , in the bathroom alone , I might have had about 10-13 small daydreams ... It was non-stop , but only when I was alone in the house ...

 

So then I started to try to do some research to see if this was 'real' if this is really an issue , because I tried to talk to it to my mother but she only saw it as 'oh you have a good imagination dear' yeah and to me that was only frustrating and getting way out of hand , so I found a few website , and then I saw that It accualy had a name 'Maladaptive daydreaming disorder' I was suprised but also very pleased to hear that it was a real thing , and that there accualy was other people like me ! ....

So I tried once again to talk to my mother , but this time she listened to me and read about it , so I'm now glad that I can talk to her about it , altleast talk about it to someone (even if they might not really understand :/ )

 

So I researched and found that there was 'triggers' depending on the person for the daydreams , this intregued me because , my daydreams always where made when I listened to music and watched a movie , so this was so informative ^^ .

 

And tried to see some tips for solutions , to me that was stop the music and stop writting , drawing and watching movies , Because I am an artist to start with I draw cartoons from movies I like , then I wright stories that my mind makes up with those drawings and situations and then I find myself daydreaming about it when I listen to certain music *sight* ...

 

Yeah so my probleme isint over , but I'm gonna try to find other ways of expressing these daydreams in somesort of art , or any other day possible instead of daydreaming ... lets hope this works , anyway I'm very much glad to find this group and would be glad to share with you all my experiences and tips to solutions ... Hugs X Saber x .