me and my MD

[BrideOfAsakura]

Hiya, My name is Sarai I am 16 and I've had MD since I was 3 years old (my
parents actually have video of me doing it). I also had lucid dreaming since age
5, have it every night about 7-10 times a night.

I daydream on the bus, when I wake up, when I brush my teeth, in the shower,
car, church, watching tv, during the day about 3 hours, when I go to sleep, so
basically the whole day.
But my future goal revolves around my imagination im optimistic and find my
imagination to be a gift from God to be about to create emotional and out of
this world storylines. I want to go to animation (I do draw, suck at writing) so
when you see my name under the title of my show, you'll know im one of yall
lolz. I need to express myself I want people to know what I think of life, its
very important for me to do that.
I never saw MD as something bad just a bad habit I never worried about it, it
makes me happy. The only reason it worried me was when I get older like when I
get married and stuff. I usually have the "best" MD when I listen to music
ESPECIALLY after a good movie or inspiration. Anime was a HUGE step in my MD's.
Usually I have 4 main lives in MD, my actual life: what im ACTULLY plan to do
with my life, anime life: have my own character which is based off my actual
opinions, emotions, POV etc, realistic fantasy life: what i wish I was like. So
yeah I have actual people and made of people and yes I have long storylines that
can last me years.
The thing that dose scare me though(well not really just that I will never
find him and if do that he wont love me) is this person I made up named Kyle
(based off an anime character named Yoh Asakura from Shaman King). And I mean I
LOVE YOH ASAKURA, obsession, addiction, happiness, rejection, fear comes with
him. The fact that hes a anime cartoon makes me depressed the fact that he
doesn't exist which is why I created Kyle which is a human version of him.
I don't daydream anymore or less than I usually do but now im not just
emotionally attached to daydreaming but a person I made up and has influence in
my creativity in school. Now like I said have lucid dreaming so basically my
daydreaming continues in its crazy ways. Kyle is always in my dreams all the
time he talks to me, loves me and its probably the closest thing I'll ever get
to him. I actually cried over Yoh and talk to myself and reach my hands out
telling him how much I want him.
What really scary is like when I concentrate enough I can make myself barely
feel the ghostly atmosphere that I get in my dreams of him hugging me from
behind. And sometimes my mind tries to actually see him in real life which
REALLY scares me that what if one morning I will be talking to my mom and I see
him looking at me outside my window.
There is also this thing called the OBE (out of body experience) where its
your "soul" coming out of your body and you walk around like if you were
actually awake walking around. You can feel it coming out, your soul separating
from your body slowly and you usually float around. It is kinda creepy thought
because I can do it by myself in a COMPLETELY lucid dream, controllable to a
point, OBE. And I tend to fall asleep in seconds and I sleep 12 hours a day
(during school days not including naps in school) and im not sure if im just in
a lucid dream or uncontrollable MD but I here music and voices talking to me and
I have conversations with them and it creeps me out I tell them to leave me
alone and to shut up and often get angry at them but it doesn't stop .
(Kyle: Age, 17, asian, committed suicide in 1985, so sometimes hes human and
sometimes a spirit but the moments with him are just amazing sooooo real)

Like for me I will say that I control my MD but when I actually think about it
I can't, maybe 90% of it I can. I always find my self, not dozing off in class
but a deep black daydream and it really reflects on my grades. (im not smart at
all even though im in AP classes).

I don't have many friends I REALLY DON'T GET IT! Im the type of girl that you
would expect to have a lot of friends!!!!!! Im loud, hyper, optimistic, open,
sexually attractive, fun etc and yet I don't which forces me to stay quiet ( I
don't mind being quiet though). I mean I could say im happy but I know im really
not. I have faith though I am very spiritually religious so I know God will do
something amazing in my life and I will wait til that day comes no matter how
much my mind tells me "you can never get there "your not even ganna graduate
high school cause you cant even do Algebra and your in preAP calculus". And I've
lived this way all my life..
I love to make friends that have MD email me if you want, ill even give you my
num if you want…
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