Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I have been on this site for a few months now and about a month ago Emilia said I should write a post. My two therapists have been trying to get me to write for quite some time now but I have never been good at saying my thoughts. I read the post about soccer problems so I thought now is the time for me to share a bit about myself.
I have been playing soccer since I was three years old. I was a year and a half before I started making verbal noises and close to five before I was speaking in full sentences. My parents were worried and since my Mother is a psychologist she thought putting me in summer soccer would help my language develop. When I got into school I was diagnosed with Autism, then at age eight they said I had Asperger's Syndrome because I am very high functioning and have no intellectual difficulties. I have a lot of sensory and social problems. But when I play soccer it is like I am a normal guy. I am twenty-two, have Asperger's, MD, OCD, and gay. Life is not easy for me, but I have a wonderful boyfriend, and most importantly soccer.
All I have ever daydreamed about is soccer. I only sleep four hours a night so I spend the other three or four hours daydreaming. My OCD and Autism force me to live by rigorous schedules. I do not daydream outside of 4am to 8am unless I am having a very bad day. Steven Gerrard is almost always in my daydream playing soccer with me. I had to opportunity to play for the Canadian National Team, but decided to focus on schooling instead. In my daydreams I get to play Premier League with world class players like Jamie Carragher, Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing, and of course Stevie G. I get to be a normal guy who can interact socially with peers; who is accepted by everyone and who makes friends without trying. The few friends I do have are only friends with me because of soccer, but even they do not fully understand me. No one does other than my boyfriend, Bryn.
Bryn and I met at soccer camp when I was fifteen. We will have been together for six years on August 15th. Everyday I fall more in love with him. He accepts me for all that I am and sometimes understands me better than I do myself. He knows when I am overstimulated often before I do. He knows exactly what to do and what to say when I have had a horrible day. Sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to help me. These days everything bothers me; all I can feel is my clothes and the sound of myself breathing makes me overwhelmed. For me they are the worst days of my life and what makes it worse is that I know is breaks Bryn's heart when he knows there is nothing he can do.
I accept the way God made me and I welcome my differences. It is what makes me special and I know the people who love me love me because of them. I love that I need to drink from the same cup, I love my weighted blanket and compression vest, and I love my daydreams.