MD is a drug

[Tony]

Hi , It's been so long i haven't had any interaction with people anymore that i feel nervous right now typing this.

MD started when i was 6 years old and it keep on getting worse and worse. When i was 13 , i was humiliated by my school crush in front of my class and i decided i have to change. My weight was 80kg and i cut it down to 68 ( only sports no diet) ,i felt proud of myself ,but the sad part is that i have to do these things all on my own,  got no friends to brag about  or to do with me, i always crave attention, always imagine paparazi following me, but in front of people i have to shut it down and burry it inside.

Now i lived in another country for more than 5 years . My language is alright , but i have been slacking for a long time , i tried to make new friends , but i'm still alone. And now everytime i try to relaxe, listening to music, watching movies or reading manga, MD always come to me and offer me to escape the reality. MD will follow me my entire life. I'm tired of constantly resisting temptation .The thing is ,when i try to resist the temptation ,the real world awaits me  MY co worker ignore me ,my brain is constantly boring and I am not happy. It's like give up a part of your own.

i gave in, and now i'm still  lonely , dissappointed of how weak i was and how forgetful i am. I have to help my family and responsible is on my shoulder. I really want to fly to my fantasy land like peter pan right now, but if i let everything go, I will lose my family and everything. I will never suicide, but what should i do now?

i want to go to a prostitute and get laid .

Thanks for reading