Maladaptive Daydreaming and Love Addiction

[Zelda]

A year ago I left my husband after only 3 years of being together (dating + marriage) because he was abusive. Before this relationship, I had always thought of myself as a strong and intelligent woman who would have never allowed a man to treat me bad. Ever since, I have been on an inward journey determined to make the most of and learn as much as possible from my experience.

Recently, I've been working through a book, Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?, that has provided much insight into both my problems with maladaptive daydreaming and my vulnerability to abusive relationships. I have learned that they work together and stem from the same childhood experiences.

I want to share my story because I think others who struggle with maladaptive daydreaming may also struggle with love addiction or some other issue that, if understood, could help people get to the root of their struggle, which is where the most healing can take place.

The theory behind love addiction is that people use romantic relationships to fulfill needs that weren't met in childhood. No one has all their needs met as kids, so everyone is guilty of this, but for some it gets to the point where they are addicted to getting 'fixes' from relationships and romantic encounters.

Generally, people with this issue did not develop self-love or experience true intimacy as children so they rely on others to feel loved and worthy and, while they seek true intimacy, they actually fear it because real intimacy requires a person to be emotionally vulnerable and show their true selves. Without self love, people fear abandonment and rejection if they were to be vulnerable and so in their never-ending quest for intimacy they behave in ways, and choose partners who will allow them to avoid it.

As crazy as it may seem, abusive relationships are a dance between two people who are both trying to feel loved and worthy without becoming emotionally vulnerable. While I experienced this, I also had maladaptive daydreaming thrown into the mix.

Like most sufferers, my MDD started when I was a young kid probably because I was bored, lonely, and didn't feel very loved. However, a majority of my daydreams have always been romantic in nature.

The book I'm reading separates love addiction into categories. 1) typical addiction resulting in abusive relationships 2) romance addiction and 3) sex addiction.

With romance addiction people get high from romantic fantasies and use these fantasies to compensate for not feeling real love and intimacy and generally to escape whatever stress or problem they are facing in real life. Because of their fantasies, they have trouble with real relationships because, alas, real love isn't an effing fairy tale. They experience disappointment in their relationships and move on from one to the next in search of a romantic high or just daydream about a perfect love.

BAM!- it all comes together

 

Thanks for reading, I hope it was worth it :)

 

[Lily Morrison]

Very worth it :>

[Brittiny D]

I'm completely guilty here. I am disappointed extremely easy in my relationships because nothing mirrors my dreams. I let people go all the time and blame it on their actions, when I'm actually searching for the high. I guess I have to work on that self love thing in order to accept someone else's flaws.

[Water Lily]

Interesting. "Because of their fantasies, they have trouble with real relationships because, alas, real love isn't an effing fairy tale."  < Guilty!  Most girls my age would blame Disney movies, but as an MD'er the struggle with 'real relationships' is much more complicated.   Thanks for posting!