January 1st, 2018

[Hannah Rickert]

New year, new me, right? Yeah no. It'll be the same me most likely. Just yesterday I celebrated my four month anniversary as well as Christmas with my boyfriend, Grady. We've had quite a lot happen in these four months. Is it bad that so much has happened that I can't even remember our first kiss? Anyways, I feel really happy with this relationship because he isn't pressuring me into things or rushing anything. He's the first person I've said "I love you" to in quite some time, and I'm very happy about it.

So anyways, Grady invited me to a party he was going to last night for New Years, and I told him that I didn't really want to go. He knows how much I dislike parties so he was fine with it. Well after I went home and he went to the party, I regretted my decision not to go. I immediately started thinking of all of the things that could go wrong. He could have alcohol, he could pass out, he could Juul, and most importantly, he could cheat on me. Now I guess I should have trusted him more, but I don't know, it just made me extremely uneasy. I knew the house he was at, and the people that were there, and there wasn't anyone I thought he would possibly want to cheat on me with, but I worry a lot. I worried so much that I stopped texting him to take a break from it all. Honesty is the number one trait I want in a guy and from the start, I could tell that he was pretty honest. But it was New Year's Eve. Like how could I not have suspicions? Well, he says that he didn't cheat on me or anything and I believe him, but this led me to a maladaptive daydream about being taken advantage of...

It was just a normal day at school. I had history first block, my most dreaded class because in my history class was Jack (who has called me adorable among other things), Owen (who I kind of used to like but I think of him as like kind of a brother I guess), and Alex (who I find staring at me a lot). Grady was walking me to history when we see Jack coming from the opposite direction towards the classroom. I say goodbye to Grady and then say hi to Jack to be friendly. Our history teacher isn't in the room yet, and I guess the bell hasn't rung so there's nobody else there. Jack comes over to my desk.

"So I see you're still with G-dawg, eh?" {Jack has in fact referred to Grady as this when we're snapping}

"Ayuh." {Some of my family is from Downeast Maine, this is common in my household. It just means yes. I only use it when I'm annoyed and I don't really realize I say it most of the time}

He sits on my desk (while I'm sitting in the chair) and looks around.

"Why are you still with him?"

"Ummm because I love him."

"Really?"

"Ayuh."

"Stop saying that."

"Stop saying what?"

"Eh-yuh or whatever."

"Can't help it. That's how I talk. If you have a problem, then I suggest you just stop talking to me."

"Harsh. But okay." He goes back to his desk as people start coming in.

Throughout history, I can feel his eyes, as well as Alex's and Owen's. On a few occasions, I'd look up to Jack (we sit across the room from each other) and he'd immediately look away. I looked up once towards the end of the block and he didn't look away this time. He just kept staring at me. I rolled my eyes and continued with what I was doing. 

Jack caught up with me after class {weird because we go in opposite directions normally}. 

"Hannah wait up."

"What do you want?" I ask, continuing to walk at my quick pace.

"Just, I wanted to ask if you just want to hang out sometime."

"I have a boyfriend."

"I know. I meant as umm friends."

I stop.

"Friends?" Oh god, I've never had a friend that's a guy that I actually hang out with.

"Yeah... I kinda thought that we were I mean you did share some of your more personal stuff with me and your issues with Grady." {This is true, I actually did. I was on my period and I told him because I was crying and I do stupid things while I'm on my period}

"Oh. Right. Umm yeah sure."

"Hey are you uh friends with Alex?"

"Mmm I guess. I don't know."

"Well how about he comes along with us?"

"Wh... okay sure."

"And maybe Owen too?"

"Are you even friends with him?"

"Yeah."

"Okay..."

I told Grady that I was hanging out with all of them and he was surprisingly okay with it {he would never let me do this, nor would I even want to hang out with these three guys. I also don't think my parents would ever let me hang out with three guys at once with no girls} so then the day came. I had no idea what to wear, we were going bowling at the bowling alley in our town. I decided to just wear my favorite pair of jeans and a flannel with a tank top underneath. I kind of forgot that this outfit shows my cleavage, but I left like that anyway.

I get to the bowling alley and wait for Owen and Jack to get there, as Alex was already there {he basically lives across the street from the bowling alley}. They both get here and they all insist on paying for me. Luckily there was no worker behind the counter yet.

Owen being the last one there says, "Hannah, I'll pay for you, I'm sorry for making you wait."

"No it's okay I have m-"

"No Hannah I'll pay," Jack interrupts.

"No really, it's fine I can pay for -"

"Hannah I can pay," Alex says softly, yet somehow still interrupting me.

"Okay guys. I can pay for myself and actually, I'll pay for all of you. How about that?"

"No way." (Owen)

"Nope." (Jack)

"No." (Alex)

"Then I guess you can just have a guys night then."

"What no don't leave..." (Alex)

"Then I'm paying."

They all ultimately agreed that I would pay for the bowling itself.

We got through the first round of bowling and then Jack decides he wants to order food. {Excuse the weird age jump or something that happened, but there is alcohol and for some reason, we're allowed to have it}

"How about we get some wings to share?" Jack suggests.

"Yeah that sounds good," Owen says.

"Yep," Alex agrees.

I say nothing. 

"Hannah, what about you? Do you want a salad or something?" Jack asks.

"Umm no, I'm all set."

"Not even the brownie?" Alex asks.

"No."

"Anything to drink?" Owen asks, a bit curious about what I actually do consume.

"Well, I guess I'll have a shake..."

"Which one Hannah? There's a lot here," Jack questions.

"Umm how about the double chocolate stout... that sounds good."

They all stare at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Y-you... you're having alcohol?" Alex stutters.

"Yeah, what's the big deal? It's not just for guys."

They look at each other and then decide that they're all getting Bud Light.

My shake and their beers come and I decide that I need to go to the bathroom.

I get back and see that they have started another round so I sit down. I'm about to take a sip of my shake when Alex says, "Wait. Hannah Don't drink that."

"Why not?"

He looks at the others. 

"Well uh, you don't want to get drunk and not be able to bowl."

"Oh. Yeah true. I mean I don't really experience any side effects from alcohol sooo..."

I take a sip and then get up to bowl. I stumble a little bit and end up getting a gutter ball. 

"Well shoot..." 

After my turn, I stumble back towards where I was sitting and fall down.

"Hannah?" (Owen)

"Hmmmm?"

"Are you okay?" (Alex)

"Ayuh."

"Are you sure?" (Alex)

*whispering* "Maybe we should take her home." (Alex)

"No dude we can't do that." (Jack)

"Why not?" (Alex)

"Her parents. They'll know we put something in her drink." (Jack)

"You mean they'll know that you put something in her drink." (Owen)

"Hey, we're in this together now." (Jack)

Some time passes and I finally come to my senses {I'm pretty sure if someone passes out in a bowling alley, other people there would say something and the workers would probably call the cops but oh well}. 

"Whhh-what happened?"

"You had too much." (Owen)

"Of what?" I look at my barely sipped shake.

"Oh umm we got you a beer and you drank it too fast," Jack blurts out.

"Oh."

I reach for my shake.

"NO" Owen pushes my shake over so I can't reach. "I think you've had enough alcohol."

"Nope, this shouldn't really do much to me."

I finally get my shake and take a small sip. I take another sip, and another. Finally the whole thing is gone.

"I... I don't feel good..." I manage to say.

*whispering* "We can take her to my place while she sobers up, I'll drive." (Owen)

They take me to Owen's and lay me on his couch.

"What should we do?" (Alex)

"Just let her relax there while she comes to her senses." (Owen)

"Do you see what she's wearing?" (Jack)

"A plaid shirt, a tank top, and some jeans. Why? Jack don't be getting any ideas." (Alex)

"How hard do you think it is for me to move that tank top down?" (Jack)

"She's probably wearing a bra." (Owen)

Jack moves towards me and slowly pulls down my tank top. He puts his hand inside my bra. Slowly and carefully, he moves his mouth towards my breasts.

"Dude what the hell are you doing to her?" Alex gets up and walks over. He hits Jack on the back of the head. "Cut it out dude."

"Yeah that's not right," Owen says as he walks over.

Jack pulls his hand away just as my eyelids start to open. I look up and see all of them around me.

"What's happening?"

"You drank too much so I brought you to my house." (Owen)

"Where's my phone?"

I find my phone on the ground and pull up Grady's contact info.

"What're you doing?" Jack asks.

"Calling Grady to come get me, obviously."

"Ugh fine."

I'm about to hit the call button when Jack knocks my phone out of my hand and gets on top of me.

"What the hell get off of me!"

"I just want to see."

I feel my jeans being unbuttoned and a hand making its way across my stomach. {kinda inappropriate stuff coming, just warning ya}

"Jack stop, she doesn't deserve this."

"Yeah this isn't right."

He forces a kiss as he shoves his hand deeper into my jeans.

A tear trickles down my cheek.

"Please. Stop."

I'm too weak from the roofie to do anything. I'm just there, pinned to the couch, helpless.

"Jack stop." (Owen)

Owen and Alex move towards him, Owen grabbing his hand that was in my jeans, Alex grabbing the one holding my face. They pull him off of me and I quickly get my jeans back on. I pick my phone up once more and call Grady to come pick me up at Owen's.

*Grady on the phone* "How the hell did you get to Owen's?"

"Long story, just please, come and get me and I'll explain."

Grady gets here and sees everyone.

"Oh, well I'm glad it wasn't just you and Owen. Hannah, are you okay?" (Grady)

"No I'm not," I glare at Jack.

"Oh. Umm Hannah how about you go wait in the car, yeah?" (Grady)

"Okay..."

*switching perspectives so now I'm just a fly on the wall I guess*

"What the hell did you guys do to her?" (Grady)

"I didn't do anything except help Hannah." (Alex)

"I brought her to my house because someone cough cough Jack put a roofie in her drink and I knew she wouldn't be able to make it home safely." (Owen)

"You did what??" (Grady, looking at Jack)

"It wasn't that big of a deal, chill."

"Oh and not to mention he was groping her," Owen adds.

"Shut the f*** up," Jack says.

"WHAT?" (Grady)

"Ohh you're gonna get it..."

[Hannah Rickert]

Wow look, everyone, I even wrote 2018 and not 2019. That's a great way to show how my 2019 is going.