It's the weekend, which means...

[Nephanim Nocturn]

Time to catch my breath before it all starts over, and maybe a chance for progress on my path of stumbling blocks.

The issue of disconnecting from Nyre was gradual. I can't point at one specific event as the cause. Rather, things here and there that drove up stress on either side seemed to contribute.

When no one knew about Nyre - not even Autumn - the connection was crystal clear. I suppose something similar happened when she found out. Her initial assessment was that I was more interested in women in my dreams than in her. I recoiled like I tend to do, and I didn't speak to anyone on the other side for a few weeks after that, although I did spend a lot of time floating around Nyre on my own. Things settled down eventually, and affairs in Nyre basically returned to normal as well.

The second incident that comes to mind is when I experienced a string of nightmares (not unlike those I'm having now) a couple of years later. They comprised most of my dream recall for several months. In the nightmares, I was hunted by a skeletal being across various landscapes. These almost universally ended in some kind of horrific death. I resolved this eventually with help from a couple of my characters: Eden, the spirit of Nyre as a planet, who prompted my awareness in dreams in the latter stages; and Symphony, the one who controls an "access gate" to my inner realms. We banished the skeletal hunter from Nyre and didn't have any issues afterward. At least, for a while...

Entering the workforce definitely had a negative impact. It's great that I was able to find and keep a job, of course - I always feared I wouldn't be able to. But on the other hand, it added tremendous daily stress to my life and detracted from the ways I usually handle that stress. As my connection to Nyre became unstable, I turned to Earth distractions like video games as a way to cool off. This just stressed me out in a different way, though... I felt like I was supposed to be focusing on Nyre, not these time sinks. At the time, Autumn was also going through some pretty serious medical issues. She was in and out of the hospital. We couldn't keep any savings as a result, so at times, it felt kind of like the product of my work just vanished into thin air.

More and more, my time in Nyre shifted into the night. Daydreams would interrupt work frequently, of course, but not to an extent that was visible to anyone but me. I used natural talent to keep up with everyone else when I should probably have been well behind the curve. Those daydreams were like what I have now on a lesser scale - broken, foggy, and confusing.

I tried things like meditating and journaling, but someone would always see me doing them and ask why. Even now, I'm writing this first thing in the morning before anyone else is awake. Discussing dream things with people always seems to lead to  problems, so if I can avoid the questions entirely, I do.

Things did start to improve for a while... This character Autumn has had since she was young finally spoke to me face-to-face. For once, I wasn't afraid of her. Things got complicated, though... Elita wanted a piece of my life, too, and the three of us (two and a half?) mutually agreed they could share me. Autumn wasn't truly on board with this - though she said she was at the time - and rapidly became jealous. As a result, Elita was locked away, and I haven't spoken to her since.

I guess that's when the nightmares started back up. This time, it was Elita dying in cruel, disgusting ways instead of me. I was clearly attached to this character in much the same way I was attached to Autumn. It's fair to say I love(d) her. The fact that I had no say in what happened to her weighed heavily on me. I felt like I had a right to keep her around. I felt like locking her away was the worst possible decision. I was afraid again... What if Elita came back out for revenge? But talking about it made Autumn excruciatingly upset, so after a few attempts, I threw up my hands and decided to let it go.

Unfortunately, the nightmares continued. The content has changed in the seven months since then, but they're still frequent. I wake up shaking and visibly distressed, and Autumn asks me questions I don't understand, and the whole situation freaks both of us out - but in the morning, I brush it off like always because I know she can't handle it.

So here I am now, an hour and a half after waking, still trying to calm down from last night. Fortunately, since it's Saturday, I have the time to recover before I have to face anyone. I don't know what I would do without weekends. I guess this is just what life is like...