Is it our limit?

[Lily of the valley]

Long time no see, my friends!

It's really been a while since my last post, and I didn't properly tell about my progress in it. So now I want to make a little update. 

To start strongly, I have to admit that ADHD meds didn't help with daydreaming. As always with this silly little thing in our heads, there is no simple cure to it. So I, once again, have to face the reality: I have to stop doing it all by myself, only with the power of my discipline. 

The scariest thing for me personally is that now i'm so mediocre, I barely can admit it. My grades are not terrible, but still bad. I can't physically handle it, my face and body are also mediocre at best. Everything about me is average. As much as I wanted to be okay with it, i am not. I always felt like there's something wrong about me (my daydreaming), and I wanted to hide it behind the facade of friendliness and perfect grades. But, it turns out, i'm not capable of doing it anymore. I don't want to talk to anyone, despite of feeling lonely every day. I cannot properly focus on anything, even when the deadline is so close.

Honestly, I thought about quietly accepting my fate and giving up. To continue living a mediocre dull life, being easily replaceable and unoriginal. To drown in my depression and to be a shell of a person. But here's the thing: something in me cannot give up, I can't stop craving perfection. Even though today I am mediocre, I can and I will become someone I see in my daydreaming. 

if you've read my previous posts, you could've notice that i'm going circles. From giving up to starting over again, again and again. My posts really are repetitive, but it's the truth about life with any addiction, maladaptive daydreaming included. Maybe, someone feels the same way as I feel, maybe this post will give you hope. You can start again, as many times as you need. Because life is all about struggle. Yes, we weren't blessed with good mental health, but we're still people, we're still capable of living our like how we want it, and not how our addiction to daydreaming tells us to. I don't want to have a foggy mind anymore, i don't want to be sloppy and mediocre.

To finish this post, I wanted to thank you for your likes and comments on my posts, it makes me feel less alone and included. I hope this post is readable, and that my English is okay to you all.

As always, God bless you all, I wish you all the best!

[Yukia]

Another way to get out of this is to work towards minimizing your emotional involvement with things you do and people you meet. Easier said than done, but works.

[Lily of the valley]

@JohnAlves Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate your advice!

[John Alves]

I wish I could go into detail about what I've been going through in the hopes of helping you in some way, because my life has been taking shape lately, daydreaming seems more and more like a thing of the past, but if it helps you in any way, my tip is: It's not about avoiding daydreaming, it's about filling in the gaps left behind, 24 hours of our lives were dedicated to daydreaming, always going in circles, now multiply 24 hours by a week, then by a month and then by a year, some of us have been doing this since we were kids, how can those days be filled from now on, now that daydreaming is no longer useful? I'm 25 now, what about my next 25 now that I've let go of my old habit? Do you know what I mean? Fill in the gaps, one day I'll write a more detailed post about it, but I hope I've helped a little.