Is it all really lost? A little post about nothing before bedtime, really.

[Yukia]

I was thinking about one of the most recurring topics among MDers, both former and those who still suffer from it. I'm talking about the theme of being stuck too far behind in time, or moving so slowly that there is seemingly no hope to catch up with the rest of the world.

I'm no stranger to that feeling as a former MDer. However, now that I can look back at my past ordeals and judge it from a refreshed perspective, I believe that the 'rest-of-the-world-to-do-catching-up-with' was bigger in my imagination than it actually turned out to be.

Think about it this way: everyday, a typical MDer generates a plethora of scenarios. They may and usually do take place in different locations, worlds, or universes. We are used to be in control of events that happen in all of them because they allow us to be the ultimate decision makers (I mean in terms of what occurs and how).

Of course, that is not the case with the real world. Something that I realized quickly after my maladaptive phase started to wane was that the real world was absolutely not about having it all under control. It's quite the opposite.

My personal observation about the world is that it's about testing your ability to let most of the things be—and that includes those things being completely out of your control. Yes, that includes all the years that you told yourself were lost due to your MD. No matter how you look at it, the past is in the past. The same with the future. Nothing in both is 'lost' or 'gained' as long as you are present to make small changes to the system around you.

I understand that the part about having little control in this world may sound depressing. But once you realize that the same seemingly depressing status quo enables you to narrow down your list of responsibilities, it's liberating how you have so much more to look forward to, ironically.

When I was an MDer, my enthusiasm was easily doused the moment things didn't go as I expected them to go. Moreover, even though I understood that it's normal to make mistakes, deep inside of me something was trying to prove that sensible idea wrong. 'No—there is a way to make things always go your way—all you have to do is dream on once you're back home.' That's a very bad message to send to yourself. It sounds soothing, but it's also a form of self-deceit. Because in the real world things will seldom go your way—no matter who you are, by the by, MDer or not!—and disabling yourself from even trying is giving up on your human ability to better yourself little by little, day by day.

In the end of each day, you manifest yourself as someone slightly different than yesterday. At the end of this day, you can become a person who decided that another MD session will bring you peace. Or you might become someone who decided otherwise and went to read a book instead. And this stat reboots every morning you wake up, allowing you to take control of your progress.

When I was referring to the world as smaller than I had imagined it to be, I didn't mean on the physical scale. Neither was I talking about political decisions of men and women who had chosen better university degrees than me. This post is not meant to take escalating problems like climate change, homelessness, human trafficking and others just to toss them out of the window and claim that all that matters in this life is self-improvement. I mean, maybe that's all what you want. I'm not here to write a lecture on sharing moral responsibility for the prosperity of our species and how every drop makes the ocean.

Instead, I want to propose to challenge this hyper-fixation on the outside world being too big, too far ahead in time, too busy to appreciate you for who you are. Because it is, and it's always been this way, towards everyone. What can change it for better or for worse is your answer—whether you agree with it or not.

As an MDer, there's another pitfall you might've fallen into, and that is viewing your imaginary world as this colorful and multi-dimensional shelter, while dismissing the real world as this gray monoblock of humdrum routine work that you do simply not to die. It creates a disbalance where MD is a clear winner. More worlds = more choices, more choices = more control, more control = more freedom. Again, not the way the real world works, but that's the MD way, and it makes human brain really happy because it's so easy and governable.

The real world isn't one-dimensional and it isn't bleak. It's way more complicated and fascinating than all fictional worlds ever created taken together and multiplied by a billion.

We come across clusters of personal worlds whenever we go outside, to school, work, concert, anywhere. When you think even further, you as an individual pass through several of your own little real worlds throughout the day.

For example, there is a world of you waking up. Like it or dread it, it's not the same as the one that you move onto after, like work or school, or more MDing. There is a world of you reading for joy or simply doomscrolling, a world of thinking deeply about something other than daydreams, a world of taking care of your pet or plant, a world of writing random novel ideas in notes on the phone. And, laugh all you want, but there is also a world of you doing laundry and vacuuming. Need I go on?

Most of these still probably sound boring and way inferior to what MD can offer. But, if you applied the rules of MD here, you could tweak and twist daily scenarios just as much, except you get real consequences that make daily life meaningful, and therefore hopeful.

Bet this helped someone fall asleep. As for the conclusion, it's kind of up to you to make, but being more intentional with your time in the little real worlds is really what it's all about.

[Deep blue]

This is so beautifully written : ) 

[Lily of the valley]

That’s possibly the best piece of advice I’ve ever received about MD. Thank you so much for this post, it gave me hope.

[Mina]

thank you very much i was needing this article