Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hi there. I'm Amber and am a mid-30's Mom. Speaking about this at all is awkward because I don't think I've ever told anyone about this ever. I'm actually quite sure I haven't. Imagine my surprise when I got the idea to google daydreaming and I came across a site about MD which in turn lead to this site.
I fit the description of MD quite well. I remember doing it as a child and its never really stopped. I am an only child and as a kid I used to pretend to be a teacher or whatever to entertain myself. As a kid I get it, its imagination and keeping yourself occupied. I was a little surprised how its never really stopped.
Its not constant but I do feel like I do it more than what I should. In my daydreams I'm my ideal self...I'm at my perfect weight, I can do things that I can't (dance, sing, be very confident in public).
I have issues with social anxiety. I'm not a hermit and I get go out and grocery shop, do errands, etc. Where I have problems is when I have to be closer with people. I've always lamented that its hard for me to have fun. I get anxious when I have a party to go to or someplace fun to go. I am ok once I'm there but usually it takes a xanax, which I have a low dose of and only take when needed, to get me to relax first. I used to just deal with it..lots of breathing, lamenting, sick stomach and xanax does help with that some. I can remember being like that as a child also. I was better for a while in my 20's but now that I'm in my 30's and unhappy with my weight my social anxiety seems worse. The reason I mention the anxiety is I don't know if they go hand in hand or not. I don't know if I'm more apt to be MD because of the anxiety...a form of escapism. I do not confuse reality with fantasy. I rarely every daydream when I'm out doing things.
The only time I can markedly remember not daydreaming was when I was pregnant. The only reason I can think of that is maybe its because my mind was so occupied during that time. I was happier with myself. Pregnant I wouldn't be doing the things I normally fantasize about.
As for present day I do still daydream..usually I allow myself to when I go to sleep which is quite handy actually. I don't see it as a disorder but I would like more control when I do it other times. Music is absolutely a trigger for me. I can see over the years where its been a tool for procrastination or its caused it. I think if I did it less during the day, or in general, I could be a happier person. I want to be more present for everything. I don't just want to daydream anymore I want to be the person I see in the daydreams. I think I would be less absentminded/forgetful if I curtailed this. I've realized having a to-do list helps with that.
Does anyone have any luck with using daydreaming as a tool or a springboard to become more like their idealized self? I know I'll never be a performer and I don't see myself as an athlete in reality. I'm ok with that. What I would like is me to be able to take on the "being comfortable in public/going out with friends" my ideal self has...and living a fitter lifestyle/better body that I imagine. I am working towards that an have been for some time.
If I could just get myself to the place of how I felt mentally when I was pregnant..where I rarely daydreamed.. I was much happier with myself.
I was just looking for some additional thoughts on any of this. Thanks for having this forum so we can share... Who would have thought!
Comment
Hello,
I am new to this idea of seeing daydreaming as an addiction. I still think that if one can control it, it can be a world-saving, amazing thing. Though I don't control mine at the time, it's controlling me which is sad.
Anyway, I have the same experience as you that when I was pregnant, I was living my life fully and did not daydream but realised my dreams. I felt happy and was more social - I also have social fears and issues that I don't actually know why they are sometimes "off" and sometimes "on", just that the worst symptoms dissapeared after having therapy. Pregnancy is hormones and instincts, but for me, I thought there was a chance I die giving birth (just because it is theoretically possible) so I had to make the most of every day.
Conserning merging fantasy with reality, I could pay a lot (or take a big loan) if there was a simple way to know how and just do it. I do have one area, which is ok at the moment and that is being fit and expressing my inner feelings through dance. This is because I have often daydreamed and danced - this is a bit difficult to write because it is somehow shameful - and because I have actually worked and taken classes to be able to express with certain techniques. I have been lucky enough to have a good teacher and due to problems in other areas of life, dancing is a release channel. So I would say it is an area where I have, at least partly, become the person I want to be and can be. The key words are, that I did not stop dreaming about it totally, I had the possibility to use time for it, and I took the shame that came with first not being able to, and just tried and repeated things even if I was very far from goals. I wish I could do the same in everything, but so far, I can't, I'm mainly not succeeding.
But best wishes for realising your dreams!
I've done a lot of things that relate to being like my idealized self. I think it is actually what pushed me into working for most of my accomplishments.
welcome Amber, I can relate to allot of what you said. Daydreaming has not helped me become more like my idealized self, if anything it has caused me to withdraw more. Like you I do errands, work etc but avoid personal contact. I have always heard that visualizing yourself as the way you want to be helps you make it happen but maybe thats different from MD, I mean it has not worked that way for me.
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