I worry about aging and growing senile and the fantasies coming out, blending with my reality.

[Paula R]

I am new here.  I just read the article by Amanda Schupak on Yahoo and was shocked to learn that what I have experienced as my normal life these past 44 years was shared by others.  I have always been ashamed by it.  What I read in the article and have read so far on the blogs is so amazing.  I share so many of these experiences.   So many things seem to make sense.  The vivid nighttime dreams, which I have always remembered so easily (and friends growing up always thought I "made up"), the "brain fatigue", which made it SO HARD to study in college, especially because I didn't have an outlet way to play out my fantasies, the "tics" I have, which are so much worse in the middle of a fantasy and always occur alone (and were diagnosed as Multiple Tic Disorder), the racing thoughts when I try to control the fantasies.  MY GOD I HAVE ANSWERS!!!   I do so hope this becomes a recognized "WHATEVER" ...hate to say "condition" because I do not like to think that I have a mental disorder.  After all, like many of you, I'm sure, I have been struggling most of my life to seem normal.  But it certainly would be nice to know that what we all suffer from is a standardized set of symptoms, which it certainly seems that way. 

Personally, I can tell you there has been no abuse or trauma in my life.  I have always been a loner.  I am the youngest of 3 children by 12 years, so I was sort of  an only child.  I prefered to play alone and stay at home when I was little.  My father used to call me his  "little homing pidgeon".  My early school report-cards all had "satisfactory" under social skills.  I was never a fan of school not because I didn't like to learn, it was because I didn't enjoy the social part of it.  It was always a chore because it got in the way of my "make-believe time".  Homework, too, used to get in the way of that, but I wanted to please so I made sure I did my best.  This worked in my favor through high school because smart kids weren't expected to go out much so I did my work early and spent the rest of my time in make-believe land up in my room.  No one ever was the wiser. 

I have a good, strong family so there was incentive to move out and marry.  I do enjoy being with people and have a happy marriage but I still, to this day, have a strong and active what I continue to call my make-believe life.  It fulfills me and gives me satisfaction that I don't find in my reality life.  I have the careers and successes I don't have in reality.  I have the adulation and, in some scenarios, the children I don't have.  When I want to live on a ranch, I do.  When I want to live on a beach, I do.  When I want a certain career, I have it. 

 

I used to wonder if I was schizophrenic or perhaps schizoid but that quickly went away.  The moment I read about those diseases I immediately saw that those were not what I had.    I just get lost in make believe.  When the phone rings, I'm me again.  If you knock on my door, I'm me again.  I  am aware of what I am doing at all times and I control my make believe and guide my characters like a playwrite.  That is why I think I would have mixed feelings about what I go through as being classified as a disease.  Still, as I said in my title, I worry about aging and senility.  I worry that in my old age my make-believe characters and lives will come through and I will confuse them with my reality and this will then confuse my family and caregivers.  If what we have has a name, then if that happens, well, i don't know if that would change how people would view me.

Anyway, that is my introduction.  I would love to be a part of any surveys that are done to make this condition official and will offer my insights to others if I think I can help.  Again, cannot say again how weird/happy this is to have found this website.

[taffle]

Homework, too, used to get in the way of that, but I wanted to please so I made sure I did my best.  This worked in my favor through high school because smart kids weren't expected to go out much so I did my work early and spent the rest of my time in make-believe land up in my room.  No one ever was the wiser.

Same here!

[Kim Russell]

I a 42 and I have had the same fear of senility! Or I worry that I will get hit on the head and wake up in the hospital believing I am one of my created characters. How embarrassing that would be! I wonder if that has ever actually happened to anyone. And if so, were they daydreamers or was it something else? Funny to find people who have similar experiences! I am also the youngest of 5 (my sister is 7 years older than me and my next closest is 9 years older) and "kind of" an only child. And I am also married and happy, but continue my active daydream lives. We have a lot in common, it seems!