Where wild minds come to rest
I've MDD'ed pretty much my entire life and like most people here, would rather be on my own than with most other people. I'm what you might call a high functioning person, with a university degree, good job, lovely husband, etc, and I'm incredibly grateful for my blessings. Which makes me wonder why I'm still doing this.
I think my MDD started as a coping mechanism for a difficult, volatile and lonely childhood. But ultimately, I'm not a child. And it's my own decisions, not my conditions, that shape my life. I respect anyone who is happy with MDD - good on you for accepting yourself and this part of your personality. But I want to, and need to, stop. MDD is stopping me fulfil my personal destiny - it's my hideout against difficult times and my aide in procrastination. I want to stop. I'm going to stop.
I'm going to keep an accountability log on here to document my journey in stopping MDD - without meds, without third party help - I'm on my own, with only my personally determined values, standards and decisions.
Step One: Identify triggers
1. Being alone.
2. Being a passenger in a car/train/etc.
3. Listening to music.
4. Watching media e.g. cinema, TV, DVDs.
5. Higher than usual triggers of anxiety.
Tomorrow, I'm going to try not to MDD - considering that I have a five hours long train journey with only my tablet PC for company, that's going to be a challenge; let's see how I do.