I Have Hope

[Lauren M]

I woke up this morning feeling very positive. Last night I had a conversation with my mother which led to me "coming out" about my addiction to fantasizing. She looked so confused, but was surprisingly supportive. She kept saying that humans have the ability to self heal. My long search for answers has been an attempt to self heal. Joining this networking is also an attempt to self heal. So, I will give myself credit for not just allowing maladaptive daydreaming to overthrow my entire life. I'm choosing to do something about it. I find that talking about it out loud to a real person has a positive affect on me. The more I talk about it, the less I actually do it. I haven't daydreamed since joining this network. So, I'm thankful to whoever decided to put all of this together so that we all don't feel alone. It really is helping me and I hope it's helping other people. I concluded last night that I'm going to create more positive experiences in real life so that daydreaming loses it's effectiveness. If I could somehow get more excitement out of real life then I won't need to resort to daydreaming as the sole means of achieving excitement or all other emotions. Anyone reading this, please share your thoughts. ❤

[Lauren M]

Thank you. I'm taking it one day at a time. This is going to be a long process, but I have to start somewhere.

[Iris]

That's how real life is - it is not smooth. Don't expect too much from your mother, if she had another personality, you'd probably wouldn't have these daydreams. Maybe she was trying to be the best mother, she could be. She herself was in this problem-web. You still can be proud that you took these steps for overcoming daydreaming and facing real life.

[Lauren M]

@Iris,thanks for your feedback. She's the only person in my family I've told so far. However, the day after I told her we got into an argument over her parenting. She feels she had little to do with why I started daydreaming. It hurts me when she says "I'm not a doctor. You expect me to read your mind and magically know what was happening with you?" Maybe it's just me, but I think a truly concerned mother would have at least wondered why her child was a loner and talked to herself in her bedroom in different voices. She told me there actually were times, years ago, when she did hear me talking to myself, but she was high and so she didn't bother me. Even though I personally didn't want to be disturbed anyway, someone should have disturbed me. Had intervention happened back then, I probably wouldn't md today. So, we had this big blowout and now I'm giving her the silent treatment. I can tell she still wants to talk to me so, pretty soon we'll be talking again. I want her to understand that I'm not blaming her for everything that happened, but her actions (or lack of) played a major part. Sometimes I wish I never came out about it because people are very defensive about being at fault. However, I can't live on like this. I'm at a point in life where it all has to come out. If they hate me for it then I'm sorry in advance.

[Iris]

Hi Lauren, I've just answered on your other blog. You were so brave telling your mother about it and it is so good that she is understanding and supportive. I think you have really taken big steps for a better future.

[Lauren M]

Thanks for both of your comments. I'm currently spending more time outside of my head, however that comes with new struggles. I'm getting angry at people over almost anything. I have very high expectations of them because I'm used to people behaving like the characters in my fantasies. Unfortunately I don't control the real world so it's pretty hard adjusting so far.

[Rita]

you are very courageous. And you are very right. I believe that having real life experiences makes us dd less. We just need to take the leap to do them.