How to tell your parents?

[Haleigh]

I'm 13. I should be shopping, going to concerts, hanging with friends, making memories, ect. You know what I'm doing? Pacing around in my room hour after hour. Heck, I just heard a song on the TV and my mind jumped at the chance to daydream. I want to stop. I want friends, I want to go places, I want real people. I don't want imaginary characters that have not and never will exist. I (might) be able to stop if I could let go of one of my many characters....Xavier. He's made up, of course. I love him so much though. He has protected me as long as I can remember. He has changed though, as I have changed and wanted different things in someone. But one things always stands out: He has always "protected" me, in my head at least. I KNOW he isn't real, but it just hurts to think about it. My Xavier has flaws, though. But those things make him all the more perfect. Back to the point: I need to tell my parents. How, though? How can I tell them I'm in love with some guy I made up? How can I tell them I have imaginary friends to make up for real ones? I can't bring myself to blurt it out....I've tried (and failed) so many times. My parents would be supportive; that makes me lucky. But how can they support me when they don't know? I don't want them to think of my differently. I don't want to try to explain my complicated world to them. I want the world to still be my secret. I want to stop. But then I don't. But then I do. But then I think about how much it hurts to let my characters go.....I feel like my heart would just be empty. I need help....

[Joey]

I have hidden allot of things from my parents for over a decade and now its my last year in high school i want to get help and tell them. I have allot of social anxiety and this is caused by md. I really need to break this in my last year of high school so college can be a fresh start. I also have moderate Dyslexia that my friends have known about for years but ive never told my parents/ teachers. The Dyslexia affects my concentration which makes it easy to enter my md. I really need to tell my parents i cant have propper friendships and this is affecting my grades but i have no idea how to begin telling them. Ive hidden it so well for so many years. could any of you guys suggest a way of saying these things that wont make me sound like a hypochondriac or be an overload of information for them? 

[Haleigh]

My mom keeps pushing me to go places and do things, but it never helps. Walking around in a store is just like pacing, only more uncomfortable because I can't control my facial expressions and everyone will see. My mom grounded me from my iPod today to "make me take a break" from pacing. Instead of helping, it's driving me crazy. She also said I can't go into my room much today so I have no way to be alone and pace. Though I don't need music to DD, it keeps my DDs fresh and exciting because it gives me new ideas. She's going to make me go out tomorrow to a store or something....I've tried to tell her walking is the same as pacing, but she just says "Well, going out WILL make you feel better." Ok mom, whatever. Since you know SO MUCH about what goes on in my head. MDD is tearing our relationship apart. My dad still doesn't know. (I doubt he would care...I'm lucky if he says more than 5 words a day!) This is making me see my parents in a whole different way. Instead of them being caring, understanding, helpful, and supportive, I see them now as clueless gerks that think they know what's best for me with my mental problems. My mom doesn't even admit I DD, she just says I have a pacing problem. ARG! I wish they knew! I wish they kn0w how it feels! My mom says this entire thing (that has been going on for as long as I can remember) is because I don't get out of the house. Well, why is it that when I used to have a lot of friends and I was NEVER at home that I still DD and ran/paced while listening to music? I just feel so alone...I can't talk to anyone IRL about it. I wish there was an MDD con or something. Then I could see/meet people my age that are going through the same thing.

[Annie]

Dang! Its like all of you guys are living my situation, apart from the daydreaming of course. Either are parents would be very critical of us and think we are crazy. Or simply put it off as nothing. Like its not a problem and all kids are "imaginative!" that we should instead "Put our energy and brains to good use and write a book or movie"

Uhhhhh! Its fustrating at times to try and explain something, especially something as Daydreaming. Which sounds like just "dreams" or "imagination" to them instead of like an "addiction" or "mental problem"

My dad in a way is kind of stubborn. I tried leaving some info once about depression/anxiety on the dinning table hoping he would read it and better understand it to understand me. He just kind of picked it up, saw it, and put a side. He has this belief that it is all in "our heads and we just need to put our energy to use" >=(

Oh well, so like has anyone that has already told their parents .....thought about bringing up your MD again to them?  

[Iris]

When I was your age, I was the same. I daydreamed whenever I could, I stayed in my room most of the day, but I also had friends at school. It started when I was 9 and my parents got divorced and I am still dd-ing now I'm 47! Once I told my father, but he didn't take it serious and also never mentioned it ever again.

That you don't spend your life daydreaming it is good to act now. In your DD you have someone to protect you. This is understandable - you are still a child who needs protection. But the older you get the less fear you need to have, because you can protect yourself. Your DD can tell you what you need. Take these needs serious in your real life. Whenever I had phases in my life that were very fulfilling, I stopped dd-ing for months! So I think this is the key. I also would not "fight" against dd-ing - probably you would get into a bad mood.

You can be very proud, that you told your mother. If she doesn't want to talk about it, you can tell her again and again, and tell her that you need help. She can't ignore your need for councelling, if you want it. Maybe the depression-problem and the dd-ing are connected and you can get help for both. I wouldn't go into details about the daydreams when talking to your parents - these are your really private thoughts.

 

[Haleigh]

That's what my mom said later that day. "ALL kids daydream. You're just creative, that's all. Try putting that imagination into use and writing a book or something." I've tried to tell her the extent I go daydreaming is NOT normal, but she just says: If the isn't gone by next month, I'll take you to the doctor. Well, mom, you said that about my depression problem too, THREE MONTHS AGO. I've tried to write about it, but I just get distracted and start pacing and DDing. It snowed today so I didn't have school. That's a good and a bad thing. It's GREAT: I got to pace all day uninterrupted. I can't pay attention in class anymore anyways. It's TERRIBLE: I had no excuse to snap myself out of my DD. My mom insists I'll grow out of it. I've been waiting to grow out of it for four years now. I'm not going to give up trying to get her to research it. I've purposly left this website open on the computer. She doesn't even take a second glance at it before exiting it out.  I just want to be normal....I wantt to SCREAM at my mom and tell her I would stop if I could, but I can't. Well, I feel the need to pace. Talk to you guys later.

[Pascale]

She did not understand, its quite a usual problem. Tell your mother you cannot just go out of your room. As Angie said "If I could I would".

Parents do not want their child to have a problem, so they often try to tell it not important. I think you should insit and tell her it is a problem that make you anhappy. Perhaps you need some conseling. Do not give up.

[Annie]

Yikes! Thats hard to do. I still havent told my dad about it. Or anyone I know for the matter of that fact. I just dont know how they would react. My friends would proabably kind look at me weird and would cause me a huge amount of embarrassment! My family doesnt really believe in mental illnesses so you would imagine how that goes. They would just blow it off say I'm "crazy", "are you doing drugs?", "its your friends fault! I told you not to hang around them!", "the ipod is possessed and taking over your mind!", "its all in your head and you can stop it" and so on. I remember once telling him about my suicide attempt and he just told me to stop thinking about that and be happy. I mean really????!!!! >=( If I could I would!!! 

But I'm going off topic here. But yeah, I wouldnt dare tell him! There not the supportive type. They would just ridicule me or think I have gone insane. I wouldnt be able to stand the shame! But that me, I saw people post how their parents where very supportive when they told them about their MD. They were of course lost and totally stumped but they where willing to help =)

But in either case, if they are supportive or not you have to seek help for yourself either way. I remember the first time I told my doctor...like DAMN! I felt like I was gonna die! My heart was beating 1000 beats per minute, couldn't even breathe, my face was burning, and I was like speaking this unknown foreign language! She could barely even understand me, luckily she was in some way supportive. She saved me the distress and just jotted everything down on her computer such as symptoms, whats happening, and so on. Didnt asked much and put up an appointment with the physc dept. Since I was still a minor at the time I needed "parental consent". And no way was I gonna bring my dad in for that! So, I lied and made up a tory that i needed it for school. Told my dad, there was this new policy that just wanted to check up on athletes(I was in cross country) mental health and just wanted to ask some questions about any drug problems and so on. Got his signature and from then on, I have been telling him I have practice after school when I really go to the doctors appt. 

But if you want to save yourself all that trouble just tell them, especially if they are supportive! The hard part would just be if they try to be supportive by preventing you from daydreaming. I wouldn't be able to stand the discomfort or anxiety of not being able to DD!!! So explain that to them! Tell them its like an alcoholic, one step at a time. If you take all away at once, there could be some serious side effects!

Good Luck kiddo! =)

[Haleigh]

*Sigh* I told my mom on the way to school abot my MDD. She (very uncharacteristicly) Said I brought it on myself for staying in my room all day. Now it's after school. She hasn't mentioned anything.

[Pascale]

Most people will understand if you tell it is like waching a movie in your head. Do not try to describe your DD world, just tell it is here. Your parents will not think you are mad but they may not understand it really is a problem. So tell them about problems they can relate to as not having friends and not going out and how unhappy you are about it. It may be a way to start.