Where wild minds come to rest
Im Jurelle Eve 18. Hails from Cebu Philippines. I think I should be open since we all share a similar gift and do something that scares me. Just like this. Well its where a wild mind could rest right?
When I was young I have a lot of friends outside from school usually boys. I was the type of girl who likes to play basketball, riding my bmx with a bunch of boys, and any other rough activities for boys than playing barbie stuff. I really didn't mind what other people may think about me I was a free soul or rather reckless. I didn't have 'friends' at school non at all until I finish grade school. They all rejected me including my teachers. I don't know what happened but I felt that I was not accepted not understood then it made me realize that you have to act according to their standards according on how you should be, by then I was afraid of rejection. I am friendly enough I can approach or start a chat with someone especially someone who is alone cause I just know how it feels not knowing or talking to someone that kind of feeling, the feeling of being an outcast I understood that clearly.
I am afraid of rejection, I am afraid that people might know the real me, the real side of me. When I entered high school I still didn't have much friends I was again rejected by my classmates by my homeroom teacher, but during my junior year everything changed. haha yep. I met friends, I was free again junior and senior year was the golden years of my life I was really happy, though at home my dad and I always have a fight every time we argue I always wished that I would be better of dead it aches me so much seeing my father's eyes piercing trough me seeing rejection in my parent's faces.
When I graduated from high school during the day of my graduation ceremony my dad I had a fight I decided I will not go to the ceremony, but my mom manage to persuade me and I also thought that what will my friends think of me if I don't come so I still went with puffy eyes.
College. I already had plans with my friends everything was turning great and running according plan. But my parents forced me to move with them to another city. So I was in college now it was really hard for me being stuck in unfamiliar city, with unfamiliar people, with no friends, a total stranger.
Since I entered college the extrovert me became an introvert I felt really alone and no one was really trying to know me. Rejection again. I began to fantasize as an escape of being misunderstood and being thrown away, my self esteem lowered greatly. I tried making friends but really they just betrayed me then again miss rejection realize that she must not trust people easily that everyone are the same they're all cynical. I detested my classmates. They all thought of me as a LONER a LOSER, it came to a point they were like controlling me on how should I think of my own self. Then one day it just struck me that I should let my reckless and strong-willed nature regain in me. I met a friend a really hard headed friend even though we argue a lot she's real enough she didn't even once betrayed me.
So my will to be strong not letting anyone calling me a loser not letting anyone belittle me and being tired with my cynic classmates I shifted to another bachelor course. I prayed to God that this time around I made the right decision of my life that this time I would be happy I would meet new people, adjustment to a new better environment, I will have friends but not totally trusting them. It really then change me I was not afraid on stepping out of my comfort zone but then I also come to a slow-paced every time I see and felt rejection.
My MD is not present every time I am very busy and every time I hang out with my classmates (I don't call them friends because I know they will betray me) though there are instances that I just can't control them but every time I shut my mouth MD strikes again, every weekends I dd a lot like all day long, all night long it depends on what time of the day I woke up heee, and every time I'm tired of reality I just find comfort on my little world.
In my world rejection and hatred is not present.
In my world I am truly appreciated.
In my world I am treated with importance.
In my world I can travel the world without a hindrance.
In my world I am treasured.
In my world I am loved back.
I know Its not that of any interest and to you reader I know I just wasted your time, but anyway I'm trying to change my self one stone at a time.
So what's your story so far?