Here goes nothing...

[Haou]

Hi there.

    I just thought it was about time for me to finally let it out. After all, I did come onto this site to find support, and I guess I need to tell you guys about myself for that to work. I know this post is kinda long but... please bear with me. This is kinda scary cause I've never ever ever told ANYONE about any of this stuff. Like a lot of people on this site, I thought i was the only one to experience the way more than normal daydreaming. It really does make me feel better to know there are a lot of other people who know the feeling too. 

   Well, to start off, I'm a 17 year old girl. I've been dreaming for as long as I can remember. The thought of not doing it just sounds so weird and alien to me. I don't even know how man hours a day I daydream, because it seems almost constant to me. Even when I'm doing daily things like going to school, or doing chores around the house I'm at least partially daydreaming. It's like when I'm doing things, the daydream is like a tv on in the background.

   The dreams themselves vary. Sometimes they're like I've just put myself into the plots of my favorite tv shows, video games or books.  But sometimes they take place in my own little made up universe. This universe is my safe haven; the place I go when the outside world gets to be too much. The "location" of my dreams switches back and forth a lot though. Sometimes something like a certain song will trigger a certain dream in a certain "location". It really tires my mind out. But still, the dreams are like an addiction, and I'm sure a lot of us on this website can agree on that. They're what help me escape from the "normal" world, and go to places I'd so much rather be.

   I've always preferred my own company. I love being by myself! I can dream without worrying about looking too spaced out, I can physically react to things that happen in my daydreams (that actually happens a lot. I'll get excited about something in my dream and I'll jump up and down or laugh or something silly like that lol), and I can basically just be myself.  I'm actually going to the psychiatrist for the first time next month and I'm really kinda scared... so if anyone has any words of advice or support about that, that would be awesome. I've always struggled with personality issues. It's a very lonely struggle though. To most of my friends and family I seem like a (maybe slightly odd) normal teenage girl. I act like most people at school, maybe just a tiny bit less social. But honestly, a lot of the "normalness" is pretty much just a front. I have emotional issues. Well, more like issues centered around my distinct lack of emotion. I can't establish emotional relationships with people, not even my own family. I just don't feel the things that normal people feel. And I usually can't even understand why they feel the things they do.   That's why the daydreaming is so important to me. I can escape from the world around me that I often don't feel comfortable in. I don't want to stop doing it, I just want to be able to get along in the real world a little bit better. It terrifies me to think that I may have a hard time getting through college or holding a real job in the real world because the dreaming distracts me. I've always had a hard time concentrating on anything that doesn't feed my imagination. I guess a lot of people are like that, but for me it's because if my brain gets bored (which it usually does in the "real" world) it automatically switches to daydreaming. which isn't the best for probability and stats class. 

It really gives me hope to see that all you guys are in similar situations and getting through life. If anyone could give me any advice for this upcoming psychiatric appointment, I'd appreciate it a lot:) Like I said before, this is the first time I've told anyone about these things, and it's actually really made me feel a whole lot better to post this. Soooo thanks for making it all the way down to the bottom of this post!

[Haou]

Thanks a lot guys! It's nice to know you're not alone. I've always (coincidentally) been really interested in psychology. It's one of the few subjects to keep me interested. And I've definitely always wanted to live in a huge city. Walking around through the streets is a great way to keep me diverted. 

I also feel the most emotion (by a long shot) with my daydreams. I laugh out loud, get angry, get scared, cry, and get really really excited. 

[Liz Winning]

Hi Haou, welcome :) I can really relate to everything you're saying! about enjoying being alone, and having to act 'normal' and happy in front of others, and having your daydreams constantly playing inside your head, even when you're doing activities with other people (or important things like maths class!!) I also worry a lot about how MD is going to affect my future relationships and career, if you ever want to message me to chat feel free, I'm fairly new to this site also :)

[Paige E.]

it sounds like we have a lot in common! I'm only a year older than you and was very similar in high school. I've just started college and had a lot of the same concerns, I daydream really similarly, acting stuff out and all.. but I'm actually doing quite well. I haven't had any urges since I got here because I've been so busy, and I figure that if I do then I can just walk around the city. I really believe you'll be fine. we as humans are so much more resilient than we are wont to give ourselves credit for. what sort of things do you wanna study in college? I'm sure no matter what you pursue you'll find yourself very occupied.

I can't answer questions involving psychiatry because I've only ever seen a psychiatrist for anxiety/depression but I can still offer some input as someone who's been there and done that and is continuing to do it. it's not like I'm a real adult or anything but I do have that wee bit of leverage in having moved away and gone to school haha

best of luck!! it was good to read your post