Hello! I never thought that it had a name

[Max Romero]

Hello, my name in Maximiliano Romero, i from Argentina y and have 28 years old. All my life a have a weird game that my family called "jugar a lo tonto" (Dummy Game), basically, i took a rope whit my right hand and plaing alone in the garden moving the rope in my fingers and looking at with great concentration. I really dont remember if i realy saw the rope, but i remember that i have pretty adventures and stories pouring from my head. At that time that was my favorite game and used to perform the caracters of my fantasies, so everyone could see me.
Eventually, this act would end up calling the attention of my parents, worried since it seemed unable to relate well with people of my age. I went to psychology for the first time at age 5, that doctor said to my parents that i was a regular kind with a special way of playing. At primary school, the psychologist of the institution wanted overtake fulfill myself one years after some tests, but due to my low social interaction was decided it was better to stay with the people in my class who already had some ties, but only with some of them, obviously nerds. By then, I was embarrassed to play that way in public, so I used to do in times of loneliness, but with the passage of time reading to replace "Dummy Game", although the complexity of the stories that are developed were becoming more complex. Finally, at the age of 9 my parents commanded me to stop playing like that, that behavior was inappropriate and if found doing my father was going to kick my ass (and did several times). While never completely stop playing, I adapted to the new standard, which I was a sudden change of character. My sociability did not improve but rather stagnated and shelter me even more in reading, comics, television and food. My academic performance was considerably reduced and I began to gain weight, increase my shyness even more, although I must admit I never suffered bullying in elementary school. Another consequence was the beginning of a long period of insomnia and night terrors that lasted from my 10 years old too 14 years old. As for my pre adolescence was a problem student who never paid attention because I learned to fantasize without looking at the rope, enough to have it in my hand and look at nothing to immerse myself in my world. I had bad qualifications and appeared to be quite immature. The absolute disinterest attitude towards formal education that increased conflict sparked in my house, as a student seemed incorrigible, although it was quite cultured and quite coherently reasoned could not fulfill my basic responsibilities and seemed to be interested only in what was going on in my head. This did make a laziness fame, but I had a hard time reading or studying something that did not interest me, and the school had many things that did not interest me. Arrive at the school as a obese y very shy, my grades were lower than ever and now if I suffered bullying because of my weight and my strange attitudes. But, aroud 16 years old i change. I started to go to concerts (I always liked the music) and I socialize a bit more, even lose some weight, but never stop preferring the solitude of some book and my fantasy world. My grades did not improve too much, i reprobe the third year, something that generated a great conflict with my father in particular (at that time my parents had already been divorced). I had to move out of school and thus change partners. However, I discovered that he had obtained some social habilidaes so I could make new friends, mature considerably and could finish high school with high marks and even a girlfriend!.
For my 20 years, I was studying journalism and philosophy at university and even had time to work. However, always carried in my right hand a rope or something to play. During the daya heve constant daydreaming about a bright career and a adventurous life, but when it came time to take that to the real plane could not. I could build friendships with my classmates from college (which would have been valuable for further study), make journalism it was very difficult because of my shyness,my academic life worsened considerably. Totally frustrated, leave univercity. From there I decided I would live all that had not lived all the years I was locked in my house reading, watching TV and playing video games. I began to attend a bohemian style of life, i used to slob went out to town almost every although every night, despite i smoked marijuana and drank alcohol since high school, in those years consumption increases dramatically, i spent most of my money on marijuana, comics and tickets to concerts. At 23 give up my work with the excuse of taking a year to study only and to catch up my studies of philosophy. But that never happened. I spent all my mornings smoking pot and acted like a rock star . I discovered the dangerous relationship between daydream and drugs, everything intensifies and becomes more real, an addictive ritual. But that times were not so bad . In the evenings I used to hang out with my friends, started taking theater classes. In all this time never found more effective therapy than theater. For a short time my life was complete, I had time to myself, i learned to release my energies in a positive way and amused me enough , experimenting in every way. I used to produce plays, to have a radio show, but none of that left much money, and finally when my parents realized did not continue studying thought I began to have conflicts at home. Im lost the relationship with father and my mother began to intimarme to get a job or or should live in the streets. I began to get very tense, and had no money for fun, slowly shut myself back in my world, spending most of the day wandering around my living room with a rope in my hand and daydreaming with a solution to my problems . Finally, and uncle gived to me a job hairpiece and pledged to straighten my life. Although the work was routine and reigned office militarized environment could tidy up my life. No way too hard. Within a few months the work precione pushed me to lock myself. My function was to customer care, and I used to have conflicts with them almost every day because my trouble interacting with strangers. My boss used to scold me very violently, increasing my stress. In the 3 years I worked there, spend most of the time daydreaming with my life, or a perfect afterlife or my usual crazy fantasies. Get to lock myself in the bathroom to play with the rope quiet. I went back to smoking marijuana with more intensity. In an act nostalgic for my "artistic" years I started studying film and tv production. I felt it that art was the only thing I was going to get out of my gray and boring life. But i can't do it. At work, daydreaing whit a successful film director career, but when i have to study or write a script, i fell into panic, so i lit a joint and I plunged in fantasies increasingly unrealistic.
With another frustration in my back, I devoted only to work in a place I hated, with the only escape longs afternoon of pot, alcohol and daydreaming. I returned increasingly difficult to control my fantasies and for a year and a half fell into a deep pit of depression, totally disconnected and out of control head, fully lived in my world, my already limited social life then fell even more, he could not have sex and even with my most trusted friends I lost abilities to communicate, some of them began to realize that gaze was constantly lost, never had told them that I could escape world so easily. To worsen the situation, the drugs began to generarme panic attacks, increased by compulsive fantasies, most of them negative.
Although I was aware that my problem was the drugs did not have much reason to leave, daydreaming was better with them and it was the only thing I had left. In my house along with the remains of dope and alcohol bottles had ropes, metal rings, clips, anything that could stir and serve me portal to a world safer and more fun, but that lasted only a few hours, when looked at I felt I had become guilt and hated me as never before had. I return to my worst years, still having childhood fears and problems relating to people, including at times could not engage in a normal conversation. Stop watching films, music, video games, and just beginning to see a movie or listening to a topic my mind soared to another reality and could no longer pay attention to what was happening. Sometimes had good ideas, but the thoughts and stories weaving overwhelmed me and left me out of sorts, whit my head tired from thinking. One night, finally suffered a crisis of depersonalization and I fainted, breaking a tooth in the process.
After that incident I decided to change my life. I quit my job and thanks to the help of a friend i assemble a virtual commerce business that allows me to survive. I returnt to univercity, thist time for a degreein in History, I always had very easily for the social sciences, had abandoned my dreams of being an artist for a career in which I only had to read. But was still being difficult to concentrate. I kept using marijuana a lesser amount. When finally choose to face my addiction i stay clean a long time. But, i stil missed the daydreams under his effects, so i back to consume. Until one day, researching on the internet to help a friend to do a job of psychology I found the MD. When I read the "symptoms" i sock. I believed that only I suffered from these fantasies as frantic and uncontrollable. I realized that my primal addiction, the mother of all them, is the need to avoid me imagining impulsively. Today is the first time in years I could stop having something in my right hand to play, and while I need it and I miss him and sometimes I feel the urge to leave this world for a while, but I've been able to work and concentrate as to years not did. I had never treated for that problem because I was embarrassed, since I was a kid I'm ashamed to say I do the "Dummy Game". I wanna say hello to all whit my history and sorry obout my caveman English!

[Nathaly]

Hi Maximo! I'm really impressed with your story...In my case DD is not an addiction, but just a kind of help  in my life, but after reading your story I saw how IT can turn to a real addiction. Just wanted to tell you that I support you in your decision to change your life, and also that I'm a person who speaks very well Spanish, y si un día tienes ganas de hablar de tu problema en español, pues bienvenido!

[Max Romero]

Hi Miska! I totally understand your situation is horrible when daydreaming academically affects us and our relationships too. However it is important to make friends, you don't have an idea of ​​the amount of people intelligent and sensitive that will give you a hand when you're fell sad, the real world is not very bad, dare to live in it :). 

[Mишка (Miska)]

Hey Maximo lol jk I completely understand how you feel. I'm still a teenager right now but I feely self slipping into the same place you once were. Everyday I go home from school and I think " just five minutes and I'm done" I find myself doing the same thing as you did. My grades are going down the toilet and I don't know how to control myself. Last year I turned to like a guy even though my best friend had discouraged me to. He was so sweet and shy I just loved him. I've never liked a guy other than him. I've only ever loved girls but something about him made my heart explode. Now he's moved far away, I doubt he even cares of me. Yet anytime I dd I think if him. Sometimes I feel that all these dreams get to me. I can't even dream of having a wife or a mate without feeling as if I'm stabbing him in the back... I miss him but there's nothing I can do. He's told me before that he wanted to become a pychologist. If he ever does I hope that maybe he could be one to study this. Perhaps all this dding is just making me insane!（＾∇＾）

[LydiaWylder]

Your not alone. I know exactly how you feel and I recognize alot of what your saying is the same as myself. Thanks for sharing your story. I would share too except its about 3am for me. I'm super tired right now.

[Iris]

Welcome Max and thank you for sharing the story of your life with us. Most of us, me too,  started daydreaming like you as a child and couldn't stop. We tried to hide our secret lives even from our closest friends, because we think that we are the only ones that daydream obsessively. It is a great relieve to know that we are not alone.