Hello

[stormy]

Well, felt like I've been living in fantasy world too much and too emotional lately so I decided to see if there was anybody out there like me, which I seriously doubted.  WOW!  I feel better that I am not alone.  So I will introduce myself.  I am Stormy, 38 years old, and have lived in fantasy land for as long as I can remember.  I am and have always been able to keep my secret from everyone and live a 'normal' life...on the outside.  I am actually a licensed mental health counselor. Sometimes I feel like a phony, trying to help adults with mental illness when I cant even help myself.  I've been reading alot of posts and its all so interesting.  Like most of you, I am very creative as well.  I write to get things out, love to play music, dance, choreograph, etc. For me, I know that I created this fantasy world as a defense mechanism for sexual abuse as a child.  Even saw a therapist and she said that sometimes kids detach themselves from what is going on to avoid feeling and lock those memories away in a dark corner of their minds. Which is what I did.  I know that's not the case for everyone, and I'm glad.  It's always been a safe place for me to go.  So safe, that I haven't lived my 'real' life.  Never had a serious relationship, plenty in fantasy land. No kids, nothing.  None of those normal things that people do everyday.  I think that things that happened in my childhood are the reason but I wish I could just live.  I have grown more distant as I've gotten older, cutting off close friendships entirely. I've put  more distance between me and my family in the past few years.  I just can't imagine having a normal relationship. I've always felt so abnormal.  Just sitting here writing this brings tears to my eyes.  I don't need any certain trigger to send me to my fantasy land.  It starts as soon as I wake up.  My fantasy land has been pretty emotional lately so yesterday I decided that I would try to stop.  I have done ok and only caught myself drifting occasionally.  But I feel like hell.  Like I'm walking in a fog.  Sometimes I just wish I could take a break from myself.  Well thanks for listening.  As usual, writing has made me feel somewhat better.

[Jane Wilson]

That is the down side of being emotional attached/addicted to your own fantasties, it makes real life too much work.  I have been fortunate that I made one friend when I was a teenager that has remained a friend for life.  But we live in seperate states can not communicate except for status messages either phone calls or letters.  She is living in an rv so there is no computer access. 

 

The research I have read shows that medical science is just now beginning to study the link between fantasy and the bodies ability to tolerate pain.  They were taking someone in a burn unit and have them become engrossed in video game (sking down snowy slopes) while doing painful scrubbing of burns.  They discovered that the patients needed less pain medication and could tolerate more pain.  I bring this up because I am sure the focus on fantasy is a destraction from emotional pain.  I suffered very strongly from depression especially in my 20's/30's, it was my only relief from self-critic was to become someone else.