Wild Minds network

Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest

Have hope

hey everyone,

I've had MDD since about the age of 9 or 10, so basically all my life. I DD laying in bed with music, so nobody knows what i'm doing. They just think i spent a lot of time listening to music. I also pretend to be talking to other people (like theatre) but i always make sure that nobody finds out.

I always had friends in school but i never felt like i could really connect with them so i daydreamed. At home i always felt the same, though my family is pretty normal. What i'm saying is that i never had a problem that started me up on MDD but yet i did it a lot. I always spent more time DD then with friends or other things until a few years ago. I realize that MDD was seriously affecting my study at college (i had failed a lot of courses) and that i needed to change. At that time i met some good friends that have been with me ever since and that i really feel i can trust. Things are not perfect right now, but they are definitely better. I'm doing good in college and i have been DD less. Looking back to the pass i remember i had days i thought i was going to end up in an asylum talking to myself with my family looking through the window. But i never lost hope and i took a step to change things. Please don't lose it too. Keep believing things will get better. I know most of you have way bigger problems than me but that are changes (no matter how small) that you can do. You just need some courage to do them. And hope! Remember that some of the best things in this world were created by insane people. Thats us...

I still DD and it upsets me that i have the need to do it and also the amount of time that gets wasted. I wan't to do therapy but in order to do that i would have to tell my parents about it, and i don't want to. Like i said, things are not perfect but they are definitely better. And i hope they will keep improving.

Have hope.

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Comment by Paracosm on March 1, 2013 at 12:44pm: Thanks, Rita. :) I guess I've kept my thoughts to myself for so long that it feels so strange to be able to let them all out!

Comment by Rita on March 1, 2013 at 12:19pm: @Paracosm I hope things will get better for you. And don't ask sorry, this place is exactly for people like us not to feel alone and have an escape place to come :)

Comment by Paracosm on February 28, 2013 at 7:39pm: Thank you for this post, Rita. :) You've timed it with my most hopeless moment. I so wish there was just ONE person I could trust. As it is now, I don't have any friends. All I have is my family, but I feel so disconnected from them, like I'm from a different world—oh wait, I guess I am!

I've been stuck at home all my life. I believe when I finally get out of here and into the real world, when I find someone I can trust and who is willing to understand me, I will find some relief. I think I daydream because I feel so lost and I want somewhere to belong and to be loved—but not in any house or community or culture or piece of land— in someone's heart. I don't want to be this object that gets pushed around and that's expected to exist without any hope or consideration of the future. I don't care what everyone says—that's not love and I'm tired of hearing excuses. I want to feel human and to be accepted and appreciated for the person I am, not the outer shell.

Sorry, I didn't mean for it all to come pouring out. The internet is my only outlet. I'll try to have hope, but it's soooo hard when I feel that because change has never come, change never will come.