Giving up is the hardest thing to do...

I'm relatively new to this site.  I've been trying to give up going into the fantasy land for a little over a month and it's the hardest thing to do.  I've been doing this for over 40 years and I want it to go away.  Every day is tough because it's so ingrained in me to immediately go there.  I wake up and start talking to the fantasy land friends.  I've developed mine to where I talk to the people outloud.  Yes, I've gotten caught and usually make something up as to why I'm talking outloud.  The reason I'm trying so hard to give it up is because I've lost about 20 years of "active" life for fantasy life.  Let's face it....my fantasy room is great and I love it.  Real life isn't as great but I never tried to make it much different cuz I had my fantasy room where I have an amazing life and am so  full of life!!!

The event that has caused me so much pain in both real and fantasy worlds, is when a man who is real in life and who's also in my fantasy, started dating someone in the real world.  I was and am incredible crushed because my fantasy was so real to me that I thought I would date him in the real world.  Forget the fact that he's  famous, an athlete, and waaaaaay younger than I am.  In the fantasy world he wanted me regardless of my age etc and I believed it would happen in real life....worlds collide.  I found that I was devasted in my real life, still am, and realized that I'm not able to separate the real world vs the fantasy world.  I can't seem to stop going in the fantasy world to "get" at him, I go online to basically check (stalk) on what he's doing in real life and then get jealous and have let his actions affect my real life by constantly thinking about him or going into fantasy to deal with him passively aggressively by ignoring him or cutting him down.  It is about him to a degree however it's the fact that he's developing a real life and I'm still stuck in the fantasy land life instead of developing my own life.  I wish my fantasy people weren't real life people...

Yesterday I was in the fantasy world most of the day and by bed time I was sickened by my actions...it was a slip up yet I felt physically ill.  I've been trying to pray the fantasies away, be real conscious of staying in the moment by saying in my head "I'm sitting here typing (or whatever) and watching tv etc.  

I'm looking for any ideas from people who have succeeded in getting rid of their fantasy world.  I know many people like this world and I'm not trying to change anyone but myself...keep you posted.  Thanks for listening.

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Comment by roxanne on June 27, 2013 at 6:59am

Most people on this site don't seem to have celebrity crushes - a fact that always surprises me, given our celebrity driven culture.  But many do.  And some of us who do talk about this for 2 years on the forum discussion site entitled Longstanding Daydreams when reality gets in the way.  Again it is as painful as a "real" break-up.  And this has been confirmed by top psychiatrist/ neurologist.  Your "system" - brain/ heart/ spirit - just recognizes that the intense feelings have been short-circuited.  Be kind to yourself.  It is a painful time.  Remember we are here for you, as well as the others on Longstanding DD, I'm sure. 

Comment by Lisa p on June 26, 2013 at 8:27pm
Thanks so much Roxanne. I was happy to hear that most people hv celebrities...I thought I was only one...just like I thought I was the only one that had a fantasy world;-)
I'll try ur suggestions. I was really worked into a frenzy the past few days n couldn't get off the Internet/media outlets etc. Tortured myself. Will ck out article. Thx again. lp
Comment by roxanne on June 26, 2013 at 7:35am

Check out Longstanding Daydreams in discussions.  We have all been there.  It is very painful when reality gets in the way.  We have dealt with it by limiting the time we follow them in media - most of ours have been celebrities - and trying to come up with fictional "crushes" instead of actual people.  Your brain/ heart does not really distinguish between this and an actual love affair, despite the fact that you "know" the difference.  You go through the same pains of separation as the intensity of the emotion you have experienced with them is now etched into your brain/ hormones.   My sympathy for what you are going through.  Despite feeling awful, betrayed, etc., you can not turn to friends for sympathy.  No one else really understands.  Let me know any way I can help.

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