Finally finding the label for it...

[lofi-lex]

I'm new here. I'm sure that is a common sentiment to see. 

I'm kind of relieved, to be honest, that I have found people who function like me. I daydream a copious amount, and I am also a music listener/pacer for my daydreams. I used to think I had it under control. Now, I am in college, and it't like I rearrange my life to make time just for the hours of daydreaming. I'm still mostly appearing as functional on the outside - I'm known as an extrovert, I make sure to go to just enough lunches and classes and shifts so that people know me and see me. However, the moment I am physically alone, it's like all the acting seeps out of me and I just fall into listening to my music and actively experiencing my daydreams. 

I'm also pretty sure all this daydreaming is to counteract the fact that I have anxiety, insomnia, and an eating disorder. And I've been doing it since I can remember - ever since my first music player and headphones, so probably around age 9. It's just astounding, how elaborate the world in my mind is - how powerful and in control and witty and charming I am in my dreams.

I want to stop daydreaming like this. I think its getting to be scary, honestly, how much I just want to pace around and dream. It's like I hide a whole other persona. I'm worried I may be wasting myself on my dreams and leaving nothing for anyone else to love. 

I don't know what to do about it - I don't know where to funnel my imagination, or energy. I manage to work very fast so even if I try to stave it off with poetry or writing or reading or going out and doing something physical, its only a matter of time until I tire myself out and go right back to it. 

I'm glad I've found a community like this, I'm glad I can just muse like this and not feel absolutely out of my mind because of it. This is the first time I've admitted that I have this - so thank you all just for providing the space.