Fell of the wagon but trying to get back on track

[Alexis]

So I'm really just here for some support and understanding. Having MD is such an isolating thing on its own but combine that with the fact that nobody understands what I'm going through when I try to explain it to them, makes it even worse.

But basically Maladaptive Daydreaming became a problem for me 10 years ago, and it took everything from me. My confidence, work ethic, personality, social skills, till I got to the point where no one wanted to be around me because I was a shell of a person and I couldn't focus enough to accomplish anything I pursed, leaving me depressed, anxious and miserable.

About 5 years ago I took a job working on a boat to try and help me stop and it actually worked. I stopped MDing only because it would have been absolutely humiliating to do it in front of strangers. I was horrible at the job and quit after a month but I proved to myself that I could stop so slowly over the next 5 years I got better and better and then eventually got accepted in program in the medical field.

This is where I started to slide backwards. This along with the fact that I was putting myself into all of these new social situations that I avoided for so long due to MD, I became extremely insecure, doubting myself and just wanted some relief. So I started MDing again, and what a fucking mistake that was. 

The main problem with MDing for me is it changes my personality. I'm assuming it's because of the type of daydreams I have, which are very vain and mainly about people liking me, it results in me being very hyperfocused on what others think of about, giving me major social anxiety, and making me super awkward to be around, which is the opposite of how I was before I started Maladaptive daydreaming.

So now I've taken about 10 steps backwards. I'm depressed because all of the relationships I've been rebuilding for the past 5 years are up in flames again and I'm basically alone. 

For me the only way to truly cut it out is to stop listening to music, which is extremely hard for me, but it's the only way and hopefully I can pull myself out of this hole I've redug up for myself so I can hopefully one day have some semblance of a normal, full life.

[Alexis]

In the beginning I use to use it almost as a way to manifest what I wanted my life to look like and I had really never experienced anxiety in the beginning. It was over time the anxiety came about as a side effect. 

As far as the relationships go, I think I can rebuild them but it will take time and it will also only happen if I'm able to stop the daydreaming. 

[Valeria Franco]

Hi @Alexis!

It looks like MD came back for the very same reason it began in the first place: social anxiety.

It doesn't really work trying to cut out dreams without working on the deep roots of it. Never mind if you are daydreaming right now, but you can focus on the real problem. 

Are you sure all these relationships are lost forever?