Daydreaming of being away from home

So lately, home hasn't really been a safe place for me. At least it doesn't feel that way. My brother, who raped me when I was 8&9 (he was 12 or 13 ish) is staying here with my family and I for about a month.  I'm 16, so I can't do a lot to get away and out of the house. I don't have my L either. My mom says she understands how I feel, but I know she doesn't. My mom and my dad went ahead and said "Yes you can stay" without even talking to me about if I'd be okay with it or not. It's ridiculous. Today (Sept. 6) I grabbed my phone and iPod and told my sister I was going for a long walk and just left because I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't care where, as long as it was away from home. My home life has never been this dramatic of me wanting to leave home for a few hours. I mean, I've wanted to leave home before, but for different reasons. Anyways, as I was walking, I was having day dreams about where I could go. Some place nice, who knows, maybe even leave the province (as I'm in Canada).  For some reason California came to mind, I started day dreaming about running away to California with my boyfriend and being at a beach, sun setting, and just feeling free. I've had real dreams like this too and it's kinda confusing me as to why. Does anyone have any idea of what it could mean other than something literal? Anyways, as I was walking I passed this guy who was weed whacking (for his job) and he asked me if I was okay. I said I was as okay as I could be. We talked for a bit, and at the end of our conversation he told me to try to have a good day. I ended up walking 3 or 4 miles, possibly 5. I wanted to walk more, but my feet hurt too much, I could barely stand. I am feeling a little better now, but I still can't get that image out of my head of being in the setting California sun, free. Maybe it's a sign of healing and recovery? I don't know, I just wanna get there

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Comment by KwanKwan on January 23, 2013 at 1:53pm

Um....trying not to be rude but what happened to your brother? Like did he get in trouble with your parents? Did he go to juvy? Shouldn't he be in jail right now???


Comment by Kacey on September 7, 2012 at 6:04pm

I understand completely why you're daydreaming about another place. You're in a bad situation right now, so who wouldn't want to be somewhere where they are happy, free and peaceful? I think this is only natural for you.

Comment by Kathy on September 7, 2012 at 4:27pm
there's someone's house I could stay at, but not the whole time, and I will be going out of town for a few days on the 18th.
Comment by greyartist on September 7, 2012 at 12:04pm

Is there anyone you could stay with? That is so wrong to make you go thru him being there.

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