Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I don't remember when I started creating stories in my mind but I did notice that suddenly it was all I could think about.
I can't count how many worlds I create and how many I destroyed. I'm a bit dark and I like destruction. I like to inflict myself pain and sadness in my daydream. I like to face terrible events, tragedies, self-harm, anger, all the types of negative feelings. It's kind of ironic because in real life, I suffer a lot, too much maybe. But event when I try to portray myself happy in my daydream, it never work.
Sometimes, it feel like I'm loosing control over my DD. Of course I try to keep it down a bit, because it can become overwhelming when I'm trying to study or work but it just come back a me, hit me straight in the face, that my life is better in that world or this world.
Every fcking moment I can, I DD. Like it's the only thing I can do right. I feel like a failure in real life, like someone who doesn't deserve to live. Kind of ironic too because I was given a second chance to live. But I feel so insecure all the time, so lonely and helpless...
Sorry for ranting.