Confession

[PA]

It all started as a game, or that is what I think. I am not sure how it did, but I know now that has come out of control. Yes, it did. It did happen to me. I eventually started and now I am trapped in my own mind. I can't resist to talk to myself, or talk to my imaginary friends.  Actually, they are not completely imaginary because they exist in real life. They just don't come to me that often, but I bring them in my imaginary world, or my wonderland.

I always end up being the most powerful, the most intelligent, the most controversial and why not the hero of my own fantasies. My friends are always supportive in my imaginary world. They help me and care about me to the point that is irrational. Well, it is irrational because it does not happen in my real life.

I've started to worry about it. I am struggling since my imagination or my fantasies are affecting my real life. I rather stay in my room by myself than going out with friends. I have problems at concentrating. I even daydream in class and then I have no idea what my professor has just said. I talk to my imaginary friends about everything, but when they are real, I go quiet and I become such a great observer and listener, rather than active person.

Many friends see me as a weird person, although they do not tell me,  I know they think that about me. I don't know if they have noticed I have a "double life" but I do know that they are prevented with me. I have to admit that I am not an easy person.  I am used to rule my world and do my will. Sometimes friends do not understand that, and feel that I am above them and they do not feel well with that of course.

I think that my daydreaming started as an escape of my loneliness. Although it is contradictory because my loneliness is the result of my daydreaming as well. I do not  know how this came to this far, but I am concerned. I lost focus even when I am driving and have become so forgetful to the point to do very stupid things that I would never do if I were living only one life.

I have put people on the side. I have even noticed that I do not call and interact with my family as I used to. Little by little I have chosen my imaginary life as my real one to the point that I feel I am not myself sometimes, most of the times.

I am sorry to write this long story, but it is the first time I am admitting I have a "problem?," an "illness?" I am not sure what this is, but I would love to count with all your help to learn about it and overcome it at some point. Thank you for your time.

[PA]

Thank you for reading and understanding. This has been such a great therapy. I am seeing lots of improvements. Once I recognized my issues, started working and I feel much better. I still have my daydreaming moments, but I keep pushing so that they do not occur. Thank you again for all your support. It is really important.

[Teagan Heart]

Well said. Girl (or guy), I do the same thing. But I tell myself and you to keep pushing. If you want success, it can happen. not overnight I believe it can. There's a reason why we go through this. I too am living a double life but slowly and slowly step by step I am moving out of it. advice for you and me is to make the most out of small opportunities. Talk to the people you work with, join an organization or club at college . even if it's just 1 or 2 friends. Just try to talk to them. you'll find that little by little, you'll kinda drift towards your real life. i will def. keep you in prayer. I mean it.

[Jennifer]

Aww, how sad. :( We are here for you. We all understand you.

[roxanne]

Well, you came to the right place.  Many struggle with same issues.  I have always integrated the 2 worlds, in order to get things done and have a "real life" as well.  It has worked really well for me.