Cold Turkey

[Jesse]

I've decided to take my DDing head on. I'm going to go the day without daydreaming. I'm half way through the day and it's a struggle. Wish me luck!!!

[Jesse]

Update. The week was a struggle. I found myself doing much better on the weekdays as opposed to the weekends.

The weekdays are busy. I have work from morning till late afternoon. This is followed by my martial arts class which can run anywhere from a hour to two hours. Then, I go to the gym for an hour. Also, I have one day of the week for my one-hour therapy session. Afterward, I go home and write in my diary. I end the night reading till I pass out. The end result is the weekday is harder for me because of my activities.

The weekends are what kill me. Unless I have errands to run or attending some event, my mind wanders and I can spend hours daydreaming. I did so for two hours on Saturday and four hours on Sunday. Saturday would have been longer if it wasn't for the fact I was attending my brother's swim meet for a good portion of the day. It was like the Dream World (DW) was trying to make up for lost time during the weekday

Just so you know I just started two weeks ago to do all those things I mentioned during the week: diary, martial arts and therapy. I've always worked out but figured I needed more activities that gave me something to do. I also chose these activities because they would give me more focus in the Real World (RW).

I also chose these activities because I would enjoy them. I've always loved to write (diary) and I've always wanted to know how to handle myself and get in shape (martial arts class). The class is exceptionally important since a huge majority of my daydreams involve some horrible physical confrontation where I'm beaten up.

The therapy is something I don't know if I'll enjoy since I'm not much of a talker and I'm just in the initial stages of it.

Although, I feel gloomy about wasting my weekend hours in the DW, I have to tell myself that, at least, it wasn't longer. Before I started all this, all my waking weekend hours were lying on the bed and pacing up and down my house with my headphones on, just dreaming my life away.

I had gone so long being on the DW for such an extended time, my mind was going through some type of withdrawal, As soon as Saturday came, my mind wanted to escape into the DW. I felt so parshed that I told myself "oh just for a little awhile." It felt so good to dip into there. It was like diving into a cool, blue ocean of water after walking through a searing, piercing desert for a week. " A little while turned into two hours.

Sunday was worse. I did the same thing. I convinced myself that I earned a little non-reality for just a few minutes. Those few minutes turned into four hours. I feel like my MDD is s drug like cocaine or something. If I go too long without it, I suffer withdrawals and need a quick hit or fix. I feel like my Dream Self (DS) is some type of drug dealer selling me on how great it will feel to take a little bit, never telling me how I'll crash, or more importantly, how one day I will just overdose (serious health deterioration or DEATH) on the drug.

But still... I have to tell myself that I'm just starting my "Cold Turkey" stage, so I'm going to have ups and downs. I need to focus on the positives such as my daydreaming has gone significantly down overall since I started all of my activities. I will try to put some plan together for the weekends. I'm thinking I should try and focus on doing some things outside like going to the park or taking a nature walk. Here's hoping this week goes better.

Please feel to comment and leave suggestions. Although it hurts me to read about how there are some people who are hurting themselves due to their struggles with MDD , it does make me feel better that I am not alone. I started to seek outlets and professional help when I started to experience self-harming thoughts.

Although you don't know shit about me, I just want to say to all of you and to especially the ones for creating this website, thank you. Thank you reading and thank you for writing.

[Agent53]

Best of luck. Please share your update.