Bear with me, this is a bit long...

[Boogman]

            Excuse the length, I just found out about this, and I have quite a bit on my mind. It’s been very strange and uncomfortable writing about all of this, but I suppose talking about it will help us along, right?

 

            I’ve just recently realized that I have Maladaptive Daydreaming. For almost as long as I can remember, MD has been a constant presence in my life. When I was young, it was synonymous with my self playtime. Whenever I wasn’t out playing with friends, I was in the backyard. I ran around, watching birds, looking at the garden, and daydreaming the whole time. I would tell stories, and sometimes I would tell them to my family. My grandparents used to comment on my story telling abilities, and the characters I would make up. I have fond memories of making my grandma laugh and laugh while weaving one of my tales.

            I’ve always been someone who uses the aid of an item. When I was young, I would usually carry a stick, which would aid me in what I daydreamed about based on its shape and texture. Because of this association, the play/daydream time was known as “playing with sticks”. I was very picky about what sort of sticks could be used. I considered myself (and still do) a stick connoisseur. Unworthy sticks were often broken up and scattered around. But if the stick had an interesting shape, length, and weight combination, they would be chosen. I often had 2-3 chosen sticks lying around the yard in certain “stations”. As I walked around, I would come across another stick lying on the ground at a “station”. I would then pick up the new stick, and drop the old one. As a result, my daydreaming was a constant cycle. All this excess walking around and activity was probably one of the reasons why I was such a skinny kid, no matter how much I ate.

            I was teased a few times by neighborhood kids, and as a result the daydreaming became more and more private. As I got older, things began to change. I started to move the daydreaming to the safety of my bedroom, away from the prying eyes of neighbors and family. Due to the location change, I was forced to change materials. Sure, there was a transitional phase, though; some sticks migrated inside for awhile until they were broken. I started using hangers, and then wires taken from the broken-down hangers. The wires ended up being the perfect tool. While smaller than what I was used to, they could be molded into any way I wanted. They were also light weight and easy to hide. I went through several “designs” until I developed the current model, which has been around for about seven years.

            I eventually went to college and left home. I met my girlfriend, who became my fiancé. Much to my surprise, she had daydreaming habits similar to mine. I couldn’t believe it. I had always figured that there were other people out there like me, but I never actually imagined meeting one. Neither of us let it take over our lives, so we’re fairly functional. We now have an apartment, and we’ve even daydreamed together.

            About a year ago, I went camping with a group of friends. While we were there, I came across an interesting stick. Finding it rekindled my interest in the stick medium, and I took it home. At this point, I was living on my fiancé, so bringing it back meant zero judgment from family or anyone else. However, it forced me to start thinking about my daydreaming. To me, it was a normal part of existence, and I rarely gave it second thought. For the first time, I began reflecting on it, and I wanted to see if other people out there experienced the same thing.

            When I found out what MD was, I was blown away. In the last two days, my entire world has been turned upside-down. Many people who talk about their experiences with MD say how it has been a negative influence in their lives. As mentioned above, it was never like that for me. I always saw it as the result of having a very active mind. I only ever engaged in it when I was alone with nothing else to focus on. When I read the negative testimonies, it made me rethink how I viewed myself. As I got older, I was able to focus the detailed daydreaming beyond the fantasies. It helped me analyze concepts and run through scenarios. It helped me understand myself and the world around me. It has also never gotten in conflict with living my life. It doesn’t affect me at work, and I’m rarely ever bored. I now consider myself lucky, and for those who are severely affected by it, my heart goes out to you. I hope communities like this will help you to take control.

[Elizabeth]

Welcome, its good to have you. My fiancé knows about mine as well and though he has never seen me, he accepts it. I used to use washcloths in the bath tub when I was little to daydream. I would shape them and pretend they were the characters and move them around. I think that is the only external object I've used, except when I was playing pretend with my friends and we used things to be wands, swords, lassos, etc. whatever we were playing.

[Pacer]

Hello C,  interesting story and sounds very familiar.  I had a similar fixation on shapes as a child, but I didn't need an item per se.  Only an image to start things off.  I remember very early on working hard at being able to imagine a wheel turning.  At first, I could only imagine half a wheel and it wasn't turning.  I had to make myself imagine the whole wheel, and then make it turn.  It sounds so weird, but that's the way it was at the beginning, around age 6 or so.

I share your reaction to the numerous negative affects that are written about.

[Boogman]

Thanks, that means a lot. I'm glad I could help.

[Jennifer]

This is such a lovely, interesting story. Thank you for sharing your amazing story, and you know what? It really inspires me to keep on living with my MD.

[Boogman]

Thanks! I find that I do it when I drive too, it just takes on a different form. Music can definitely be a trigger. My fiance daydreams while she listens to music, but she uses an item too.

[Laila]

Loved your post! It's the first I've heard of someone using an item to aid them in DDing. Usually it's music and the environment that I keep hearing about. Anyway, welcome! I can't wait to get to know you more. *talking you in chat right now* xD