About me

[Meenah]

 

I have daydreamed for a long time but when your young you have the option to act out these fantasy. When I was around 8 me and my friends would play in the woods and pretend we were warriors or had superpowers,etc, did this till I was about 12 or 13. It was the most fun I had ever had and it really helped bring out my creative side. Ever since I was little I have loved making up stories. Even when I played with barbies, it was much more intricate than the way other girls would play. My barbies had names, relationships, there was murder and affairs. It  literally was like a soap opera and if I watched something that inspired me I would recycle that old story line with a new one. I also did that till I was about 13, 'cause to me it wasn't childish. 

 

At around 14 I became home schooled. This was when I slowly retreated into my mind. For a few months all my school friends still regularly talked to me but then they stopped and just stopped answering back, I became unsure of myself and very insecure. I remember the first night I made a character. Her name was Millie Lovelace. She was exotic and perfect and everyone loved her. I would do faux interviews, which consisted of me talking to myself. My reasoning for creating her was because I felt I was lacking, I just couldn't imagine myself older and that was necessary for my daydreams because all my celebrity crushes were older and it was the perfect way to get social without having to actually talk to real people. I don't daydream about her any more, my daydreaming skills have developed so my characters needed to develop too. 

 

People often compare MDing to addictions, which I can agree with but I also thinks it goes deeper than that and is much less explainable. There are aspects to it that are addicting, and it is unhealthy to a point. I have read that some people faced trauma, so it occurred to me that perhaps there are different levels of MDing. I thought that perhaps MDing is a symptom to a larger problem with people who have experienced trauma and in order to control their MDing they would need to face the real problem that is bothering them. This is all a theory, mostly thought of from what I have read on forums,  a few people had admitted that they never sought help for their trauma and from all the psychology books I have read (nerd). So I also assume that there are MDers like me that have had no trauma and a just fine childhood. For me life is a bit hard but not unbearable. I find that after admitting to myself that I am lonely, sad and greatly misunderstood, I dive deeper into understanding myself and understanding my MDing.

I have always DD in one way or another but only after I was starved of social interactions did it turn into something obsessive and addictive. I found that the celebs I use in my daydream are just "models", they already have biography's written about them and pictures so to jog my memory of how they look I can just do a Google search, they are already "created" so I just built on to that . But now I have decided that it's best for me not to DD about celebs in a romantic way, I become to attached emotionally and I will actually be devastated if they have form a real relationship with someone. That's the bad side of my DDing. It was yesterday that I figured if I DD about my own creations then I won't be ashamed nor will I ever be upset, as I control what they can do and not do. So my made up main character can be romantic with my other made up male creation but she can't be with that celeb guy. I have also, for the past few months, just started DDing about myself. Before it was always a woman I would make up( Millie, Roxietty, Silver, and Scottie was my last). I think maybe now I see myself in a more appealing light and I don't even exaggerate what I look like or do, I'm the same nerdy girl in my DD and I look the same only a bit older and a few inches taller, I even kept my glasses. 

 

This is a long post...Anyway I think that finding the reason why I MD (lonely, sad, just not feeling complete) has helped me control it because I know that MDing is a part of me and I will never stop, so I should just control it and set limitations. I also understand that for some it's not that easy, this isn't advice, this just my own experience and what works for me might not work for you. But I think it is  important to try and find out why you are MDing.

For my first post I think I did all right, just throwing out some ideas I had held in my head for awhile, would love to hear any one else's thoughts on it.