I have lived with MDD for thirty years now, off and on. It started with traumatic events as a teenager and I just wanted a safe place. And I found it. For years it was my only safe place, well before it even had a name.


But, like any addictive behavior, it took over. The root of the word "addiction" is from "giving over" and I gave my life over to daydreaming and while like any addiction it seemed like a cure for my ills, over time I realized the following harmful effects:


1) wasting time that could have been better spent helping others or just enjoying real life.

2) my sense of reality was affected- sometimes it can be difficult to tell the truth from fantasy.

3)my relationships with real people, when I had them, was impaired because in dreams people can be perfect and not mean and hurtful and actually give a crap. Humans are not like that- we all make mistakes and hurt others, despite pure intentions. I found that dealing with people got more and more difficult and the more I would want to escape. This made me aloof and uninterested and thus more likely to want to escape.

4) an increased sense of shame. Like any addict, I took a hit of dreaming to escape being me. However, the side effect was that the more I took the hit, the more I became ashamed about it, aware that it was not helping me grow as a human being.


Over time I realized this was not what I wanted to do and be. It served its purpose but it was time to move on. Then I found out how hard it was to break the habit.


I have been in other 12-step programs and I decided to apply the same principles to this issue-

1) that I need help from an outside source- I cannot do  this all by myself-

2) that the best approach is to let go and not try to control it,  and

3) that change happens best when I am with people who have been there and done it, got the t-shirt, and I am accountable to them.


All I am saying is that for me, a 12-step approach has worked and I have faith that it will continue to work. I have not had a serious bout of MDD for around a year now. My mind still works in the same way, but I am able not to go into that place as I know where it will go.


If you are happy doing MDD type behavior and it works for you, great. If not, then perhaps this might be a solution for you too. 

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Comment by DebbieP. on September 26, 2016 at 7:12am

Great post - it's so very, very true!  

Comment by matthewnewbery on March 20, 2016 at 8:02pm

I'd be happy to help you through the steps if you would like. If not, no worries.

Comment by maro on March 20, 2016 at 6:05pm

Hey matthew
Thanks for sharing your story really helps :D
I always feel like DD waste time and put stress on me also when i want to live i cant fully live the moment
All i think that i cant share someone to help me in 12 steps ..i think they wont understand that DD is that dangerous ...but yea i will fid something works for me 12 steps is a great solution because DD is addiction

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