a night with friends

[stormy]

 

Went to stay at a friend's house last night.  I should point out that my friend is a gay male; always felt more comfortable with gay males.  He knows the general background but doesn't know details of my childhood stuff.  He does not know about this though. Sat around watching It's Always Sunny in Philladelphia, which I had never seen.  Hilarious!  There was four of us and we just sat and watched tv and had a few drinks.  Took my mind off things and had a fairly normal evening.  2 of us spent the night and we sat outside talking til we heard the birds chirping this morning.  Me being the counselor, my friend seeks my advice, like I have some special knowledge or something. I don't.  I just tell him what I think.  So we talked and talked then they started talking about the topic of sex and relationships.  I gave my opinions but I couldn't speak from experience.  What thirty eight year old has no experience in this area? Me. Again, makes me feel like such an outsider.  So many more issues that just MD.  Then got up early this morning and came home.  I am hiding today. In my little apartment behind my little bedroom door. My safe place. Music is my escape.   Always listening as I am writing so sometimes I just throw in the lyrics I am listening to.  NIN........I just want something I can never have.