A Lifetime with MD

[angela barrett]

Hi I'm Angela,

I found this site over a month ago. I was researching a story and couldn't focus, so I googled daydreaming.  I read a lot of the postings and immediately recognized myself in a lot of the posts.  I was relunctant to post mainly because I'm a cautious person. I have had vivid daydreams since I was around 4 years old. I'll be sixty-two in a couple of weeks. I  must admit, the term " maladaptive daydreaming"  threw me a little bit.  I've always considered my daydreaming as something special and precious. I never wanted to cure it or exorcize it from my life. It has always been my coping mechaniism that made painful situations easier to deal with. The characters I create in my head are always strong, assertive, confident and benevolent. 

My triggers are music, movies, tv, books and sometimes real life occurances.  My strongest trigger is music. I've found limited information on MD. All the studies seem to say that it exists because of some kind of childhood trauma. I can believe that.  Every "abnormality" in the human psyche leads back to childhood trauma. I'm not one for lingering over past hurts and pitying myself over things I can't change. I have met my inner child, nutured her and moved on.

While MD has been my best coping skill for years, there are so many downsides. One for me is a lack of intimacy in relationships. I'm not talking sexual intimacy, but the kind when you have a best friend and you share your deepest inner thoughts.  I have had close friends, but they usually don't measure up to the characters in my head or they eventually betray my confidence. I have friends who I genuinely love, but they want too much. They want you to be their second self, and with MD for me that's impossible. For me the second downside is you have to be focus to use your fulll potential to accomplish whatever it is you want to do. I've been writing since I was 12 years old, but for the MD I could probably make a living at it.  I'm productive, went to college, volunteered in community services, active in my Buddhist practice, but I only go so far.  The other aspect of this MD is that I rock a lot, and its bad for the back.

I'm not ashame of who I am. MD has made me a insightful human being , a loving person. I'm frequently told that I look at least 20 years younger than  I am.  I truly attribute it to MD. I dont't stress when things are overwhelming, I just go into my head.  That's my life now,  but it's been a long road. When I was about 15 0r 16, I was so depressed. I went to see my school counselor. I talked and he listened.  I told him how isolated I felt, how just leaving the house was dreadful and I couldn't bear Monday mornings. He never offered an opinion, he just listened. He gave me a list of books to read. At the time, I didn't get it, but over the years I learned that knowledge is powerful. It opems up your mind and world. In my twenties I worked at a psychaitric halfway as a soial worker with a bahelor's degree. I saw so many people tormented by their own thughts and voices they could not control; I think thats when I lost my self-pity and self-absortion.

MD is a challenge to live with, but there are other horrors that people experience in their heads that drive their lives and those around them to tragedy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[angela barrett]

Sally,

You pose two very good questions. I'm no expert, but I'll share my opinion. I think everybody daydreams. But I believe ours are far more complex, time consuming and for now a necessary part of who we are. Maybe it's like you said, we are missing something in our real lives so we over compensate with our daydreams. But look in any window, into any life, people who don't have MD have something missing in their lives also.  I know I tend to over analyze things, run them thru my daydreams, have detail conversations with whoever is in my fantasy until I'm exhausted. What I do know, is "every form of refuge has it's price. Everybody experience hurt and suffering, joy and pain, connected to others or not. I've always radicalized my lack of truly intimate friendship by saying, "people can't make you happy, happiness comes from within". While that is true, friendships do enrich our lives and get us (MDers) out of our heads.

I've been married for over 30 years, I've seen my friends go in and out of marriages and relationships trying to get connected. They seem to be searching for something, I don't know. Then I look at myself and think, maybe I would be doing the same if I didn't have this, for the lack of a better phrase, this paralell life that meets some of my needs, but also hinders my growth.  It's all so complicated, but basically a happy person. I've learned self-acceptance, and when I look at people who don't have MD, their lives, from my view, are not  much better than mine.

[Sally]

Hi Angela,

I have just found this website and like you recognise a lot of myself in the stories.  I also don't consider myself a 'maladaptive' person as I have a great job, am married, have kids, lots of friends etc but I have been worried that my daydreaming contributes to a sense of dissatisfaction in my real life and that's why I started to look on line to see if this was 'normal'.  It's amazing bc like you I am often told I look years younger than I am!! I am in my 30's but people nearly fall off their chair when I tell them my age - how could that be happening??? I think the main issue for me also is intimacy as the conversations I have with my 'imaginary friends' are so more heartfelt than the conversations I actually have - bit sad!!  I am a social worker too so know that this is not a true affliction in real world terms - but in saying that it has worried me over the years..... I have seen a few posts on 'how to stop the daydreaming' but actually I am not sure I want to.  I feel so relieved that I am not the only 'wildmind' out there.   What I wonder is this - are other people who don't daydream so much more connected to the people in their lives than we are??? or is everyone a bit distant and we feel it a bit more and compensate in our minds??  Am I missing out on intimacy or is it simply not there in the first place???? I don't rock but often my kids will say "mum why did you do that?" and repeat some gesture or word I have said aloud- embarrassing and weird!!  

I think throughout my life I have felt depressed bc I haven't lived up to the person I am in my daydreams but am now realising that that's ok bc that person was a fantasy anyway - does that make sense?

Thanks for sharing.  

[Shion]

I can relate to this even though I differ at some points. For the relationship with a lover bit I found someone who knows and has accepted me for this. Though I do the rocking thing and I will say my back has gone out quite a few times. In a way I see it as a gift for it has given me the sight to see things from so many perspectives, a wonderful imagination, encourages my art hobby, and such. But it is a curse as it's embarrassing to have the need to hold objects as I do it, when people accidentally see me do it, when it happens without me noticing till too late, when someone points it out, or the lack of people understanding it.
Though now knowing someone who has had it till the age of almost 62 makes me worry less about having it all my life. Im not religious but bless you for everything. It's inspiring.

[angela barrett]

Gina,

Thanks for the insight. You are right about the reality perception. There have  been times when I would daydream about something playing out a certain way only to be slapped back into reality.

[Gina Black]

Welcome, Angela!

It depends on the person and their relationship with daydreams. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's a curse. For example I don't rock and don't have intimacy problems, but my false perception of reality has ruined my life a few times. But it is nice to have your "safe place", and be able to travel vividly with your mind.

I do agree with looking younger, it does make us look good! And knowledge is a huge help when dealing with...well...anything, practically :)