Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I want to tell you about my experience with MD, because I don't recognize myself in most accounts of it, and I want to see if someone else can relate with my own account.
First difference between my experience and the descriptions I find online: the content of my daydreams is NOT positive. It's always negative. I call them "daymares": plots usually involve a loved person dying, or me or someone else being sick, and other catastrophes of some type. It's as if my mind had flashbacks, but with (usually a lot of) added imagination. And a different outcome, of course.
The second difference is that my MD *purely* feels like a compulsion, or an addiction – it's something that I end up doing, because I kind of "have to", but completely against my will. I don't enjoy it in any way, let alone would I try to trigger it with music or anything else.
The third difference is that I have the impression that I act out my daydreams (daymares) WAY more than other people. I act them out completely, talking, moving, making gestures and expressions, crying, jumping and running if necessary – just as if I was there. Nonetheless, and even if I get very absorbed, I can always distinguish between fiction and reality - at worst, if I stop abruptly, I get a bit dissociated.
Does anybody else live MD in a similar way?? It feels so lonely to read so many accounts and descriptions (even in research) that don't correspond to what I live.